Town
and Country (2001)
I just got out of "Town and Country"
and now my head really hurts. I mean, when you see
a movie with so many damn things gone wrong - and
started wrong, it causes a sort of dull throb in the
frontal lobes. "T&C" is a piece of shit. New Line
has known that they've got a real stinker on their
hands for a long time now. They've tested this film,
shelved it, done re-shoots, re-edited it to the point
of ruining what little life it had, tested it, edited,
shelved, moved release dates, shelved and edited again.
By now the film is like a tossed green salad that
has been sitting in the refrigerator far too long.
Even if you were a bit hungry, you'd know better.
Green isn't always good.
"T&C" concerns Warren "my dick still
swings" Beatty as a old married man who has apparently
remained faithful to his wife, Diane Keaton, for 25
years. For no apparent reason, he has an affair with
a cellist and his best female friend all in the same
week. This somewhat typical scenario is played out
against what is supposed to be a cutting edge scenario,
namely that his best friend is also having an affair.
The catch is, his friend's affair is with a guy, and
his pal is coming to terms with his homosexuality
even though he too has been married to a woman for
several years. It's all pretty drab and typical. This
film can't even make a somewhat unique theme like
an older man's coming out interesting. It plays like
every fucking coming out movie ever made with the
character stumbling around with saying he is gay forever
and then finally blurting it out at a huge party while
the room goes silent. Stupid and done to death, dear.
Peter Chelsom's film begins as a knock
off of a Woody Allen film. Then Keaton appears to
reinforce this notion. But I don't think this is Chelsom's
work really. I think some marketing fuck/creative
type at New Line got the idea while considering the
options and puffing on a cigar. (What the fuck. It's
got Diane Keaton in it and it's about some rich old
fuck who jumps on every chick he sees... Put some
jazz on the score, gets some aerial shots of Manhattan,
bahd-a-boom- bahd-a-bing... people will think it's
one of those artsy- fartsy Woody Allen movies. They'll
laugh at stuff they don't get to seem hip. It'll play
in Europe).
There is far too much going on in this
film. Chelsom and the hundreds of wannabees who have
had a shot at the raw footage, make this film a patchwork
quilt of bad ideas. No scene in this film last more
than 60 seconds before moving on to another scene
and another set-up. It's a testament to editors David
Moritz and Claire Simpson that anything resembling
a film comes out here.
No one in the film adds anything worthy.
Beatty and Keaton and Goldie Hawn are simply rich
and miserable. It's repulsive. Not one of them does
anything resembling work here, as characters or actors.
Garry Shandling plays the aging homosexual coming
to terms with his sexuality. Maybe it's comforting
to heterosexuals to think of Shandling as gay but
to us homos, the idea is downright repulsive! Cute
little Josh Hartnett is stuck in a typical, typical
role. He probably was naive enough to think he might
learn something from hanging out with the likes of
his peers here, who are his grandfather's age. Andie
McDowell, Jenna Elfman, Nastassja Kinski, Buck Henry
(who takes partial credit for writing this piece of
crud), Johnny Brown, Holland Taylor, and the rest
of the cast included, no one does anything worth doing
here. The most sad and pathetic thing in the film,
however, is senile and dumb-as-a-fuck-fence Charlton
Heston who plays a caricature of himself. He plays
a gun-toting, wealthy, shotgun-wedding-type-father
who shoots his rifle at stuffed animals and cocktail
parties. I sighed. If only Heston would have had a
Brandon Lee-like accident on the set. One less rich,
white, heterosexual Republican asshole on the face
of the Earth would be, at least, some sort of contribution
to society that this film could make.
"Town and Country" is one of the most
amazing pieces of horsecrap I have ever seen. It will
be amazing if Beatty can walk away from this one unscathed.
Note:
The opening shot of the film pays tribute
to one of Man Ray's most famous photographic images.
Music by Rolfe Kent.
