The Stepford Wives (2004)
This remake of the classic 70's
thriller is loaded with so many bad ideas per scene
that it simply has to be one of the worst films of
the year. This film is so deliciously bad that it
makes a jaded and snotty film critic like myself practically
have a full release in my shorts while watching it
and dreaming up all the droll and cruel comments I
can type on my little laptop when I get home. This
is a horrible idea, to remake a classic, taunt 70's
shocker into a goofy modern comedy. And it is so obvious
that this is a film by committee. There's no vision
here, but then again, there's no script, no acting
and no reason to even make this film - other than
to trot out something with a familiar title for the
summer masses either.
Nicole Kidman is simply Godawful
as Joanna Eberhard, a TV executive (the opening segment
where she present her new summer shows sets us up
to see just how shitty this film is going to be) who
gets fired (in the stupidest plot twist you've ever
seen) and ends up going crazy. Kidman wears her hair
in a short, black bob and the scenes of her in the
mental institution only work because you are simply
amazed at how much she looks like Elizabeth Montgomery
playing Serena on "Bewitched." That's one of only
two good things I can say about this "remake;" you
get to see how amazingly like Montgomery Kidman looks.
It almost makes you want to see the feature film version
of "Bewitched" that Kidman is working on after this
film. (More about the other reason later).
But Kidman's acting is just awful.
(Of course, she's not alone). When is the last time
she was even in a good movie? Even "Moulin Rouge"
proved her to be more a pretty face than a serious
actress. Like Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Christopher
Walken and a slew of lesser known names who also appear
here, Kidman seems to know she is stuck in a steaming
pile of crap and, like her peers, she simply gives
up on trying to do anything good here. She's as wooden
as one of the Stepford wives she is supposed to be
suspicious of.
Broderick is equally bad. Appearing
to be just this side of a complete nervous breakdown
and Ben and Jerry's pig-out session, cutie Broderick
is now chubby Broderick. Having been on a steady diet
of praise from his run in Broadway's "The Producers,"
Broderick seems to have overdosed on chocolate as
much as he has on praise. Perhaps he is plumping up
to take over Nathan Lane's role in the mega-blockbuster
production in the future.
The only person here that seems
to take any of this seriously (except for director
Frank Oz, who seriously thinks he is making a comedy)
is Glenn Close. Even the grand dame of acting cannot
make a sow's ear out of this shit, let alone a silk
purse. Stuck in an ending that is as flimsy, weak
and pointless as a paper tent on a camping trip in
a rain-forest, Close falls apart in the last real
and seems as stuck as the rest of the actors here.
Eventually, too, she simply gives up.
The one genius idea in this remake
is introducing a gay couple and having the more conservative
one of the two wish to change his flamboyant lover
into a "Stepford Wife." This seems an idea fraught
with possibilities and Paul Rudnick seems to be the
perfect screenwriter to adapt the film to such an
idea. But, alas, the film has absolutely nowhere to
go and this brilliant idea becomes a moot point. Worse,
really, the jokes here end up being typical, lame,
stereotypical gay jokes about being flamboyant, fashion
conscious and limp-wristed. Even a good ole faghag
like Midler cannot salvage this interesting idea.
The script does take a couple of good jabs at Log
Cabin republicans, but it is so stereotypical in its
idea of what a "free" gay man would be like that this
wonderful inclusive idea becomes yet another cinematic
slap in the face.
"The Stepford Wives" ends with one
of the lamest cameos on film in ages as Kidman, Midler
and the stereotypical homo appear on, yawn, "Larry
King Live." It's almost appropriate that one of the
oldest and most bland men on the face of the planet
ends up at the end of a film filled with some of the
oldest jokes and lamest ideas ever captured on celluloid.
When this conclusive, weak and insipid moment finally
comes we think to ourselves the same thought about
this film that we are having about Nicole Kidman's
career: At least it's almost over.
Notes:
Also with Faith Hill and Mike White.
Based on the novel by Ira Levin.
The film was re-shot and re-edited
several times after negative test screenings.
At one time John and Joan Cusack
were going to star together in the film and Tim Burton
was going to direct.
The 1975 version was scripted by
William Goldman and directed by Bryan Forbes. Stars
included Katharine Ross, Paula Prentiss and Tina Louise.
In the original version, where the book is treated
seriously and based solely in the traditions of Science
Fiction, the men succeed in turning all of the women
of the town into robots.
Viewed in Austin in June 2004.
