Snow Dogs (2002)
Some idiot really messed up what could have been a
halfway decent film. There are 5 scriptwriters and a
plethora of others listed in the behind-the-scenes staff
here and one of them thought that it would be funny
to watch Cuba Gooding Jr. fall on his ass in the snow
seven times. I counted. Seven fricken times. The first
2/3rds or so of "Snow Dogs" is some of the most insipid
and ridiculous junk to be foisted on the American public
since, well, since "Out Cold."
The finale' of the film starts to pull on the old
heart strings. Everything falls into place. By this
time, apparently, the scripter who thought pratfalls
were funny has been fired and the film gels into a quite
palatable and likeable stew. Unfortunately, it's much
too little too late.
The film stars Gooding as a Miami tooth doctor who
discovers he was adopted. He inherits a homestead in
the Alaska wilderness and a team of sled dogs. Meanwhile,
actors like James Coburn, M. Emmet Walsh, Graham Greene,
and Brian Doyle Murray are wasted as secondary characters.
And we get two, count 'em, two smelly teeth jokes! Worse
yet is the casting of hip-hop star Sisqo as a dentist.
Stupid stupid stupid! Gooding is so embarrassed here.
And rightly so. He mugs and "aw shucks" his way through
much of the film seeming quite like a modern cinematic
Uncle Tom, the house "N" going along with whatever the
rich, white Beuna Vista executives want him to do in
the film. it's quite repulsive.
In fact, the films only true genius for most of its
running is the casting of stately Nichelle Nichols (Lt.
Uhura from "Star Trek" fame) as Gooding's adopted mother.
It's awesome to see Nichols in a fresh role and she
shimmers here. Because she cares about Gooding's dentist,
we do too. It's especially genius when she emerges as
a more important character in the latter part of the
film. We like seeing her.
But "Snow Dogs" is really a bunch of dog poo in the
white snow. There's far too much crap here that outweighs
the good parts of the story. And the filmmakers also
insist on making the film a piece of Playskool tripe
aimed at 4 year-olds by having the sled dogs nod, wink
and snarl with CGI effects. It looks ridiculous. In
fact, almost all of the special effects here are obvious
and badly executed. Direct Brian Levant was previously
responsible for "Flintstones" and "Problem Child 2"
if that tells you anything. (Oh, I feel a cough coming
on...) Hack, Hack, Hack!
So, really, this isn't a film for people who would
like to see Cuba Gooding Jr take pratfalls in the white,
driven snow. This is for people who would enjoy seeing
Cuba Gooding Jr.'s stunt double take pratfalls in the
snow while attempting to hide his face with his hand.
That's a pretty limited audience, I would imagine.
Note:
Michael Bolton has a cameo.
The credits say this was "Suggested by Gary Paulsen's
book 'Winterdance.'" They deviate so wildly from that
text, that it almost seems like a dig to even suggest
that the film is remotely based on the book.
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