Serving Sara (2002)
Although there was a plethora of bad films released
in 2001 thanks to the strike-that-never-happened-greenlight-frenzy,
2002 is stacking up to be a year with an abundance of
godawful films. 2002 is the year that brought us "The
Good Girl," "Joshua,"
"Kung Pow: Enter the
Fist," "Snow
Dogs," "Trouble
Every Day," "Simone,"
and now the horrid "Serving Sara." It's enough to make
you puke, really. I'm beginning to think that maybe
films aren't all that good of a way to spend my leisure
time.
"Serving Sara" brings us two of the most untalented
and boring wannabee celebrities of the new millennium,
Matthew Perry and Elizabeth Hurley. Perry is a drug-addled,
bloated, scruffy, wishy-washy, moron who should fall
to his knees and thank God every minute of the day that
he lucked into the role of Chandler on "Friends" a few
years ago. Just wait until that gravy train ends. Perry
will have more failed sitcoms alone than the entire
cast of "Seinfeld," I guarantee it. He will not have
a film career. Hurley, meanwhile, is still surviving
off the original "Austin Powers" and the fact that she
was once lucky enough to date Hugh Grant. I have two
words to describe her allure: Tits. Well, those and
great pair of CS lips. That's all Hurley has to offer,
really.
"Serving Sara" is the most dull, annoying, mean-spirited
and ignorant film since "Kung Pow." This is a film that
thinks it is funny to have Perry call a fat child "porkchop."
That is the idea of humor going on here. Really. You
know, Perry will be lucky to even have failed sitcoms.
I predict that the fat, scraggily, closet-case will
be sucking cock on Sunset Blvd for cash by 2005. In
fact, maybe he can pick up Hugh Grant. (Grant better
have a crackrock on him if he wants some though).
I took my current hottie of the moment, J.K., to
the sneak of this film. J.K. is not a film person. He
is not a fan boy. He does not hang out with me because
I have a website or a cable access show or any of that
shit. The point is this: J.K. never even really mentions
my website but he said this after seeing "Serving Sara,"
"You can say in your review that J.K. hated it. And
if I hate a film... it's really got to be bad." That's
true. We saw "Mr. Deeds"
together and he actually liked it somewhat. Yep, even
kind-hearted, little cutie J.K. could not find anything
to like about this film. It is what the preachers in
my church school used to call, "a steaming bucket of
shit."
I would rather see the plastic used to make the
35mm prints of "Serving Sara" languishing for a million
years in a landfill than in any megaplex. The amount
of wasted plastic and other materials used to produce
the 35mm prints, the soundtrack CD's, the eventual VHS
tapes and DVD's is a sure indication that there is no
God.
Note:
Also with Bruce Campbell, Cedric the Entertainer
(a name that is also an oxymoron), and (I think) Carol
Leifer (who must have owed someone a favor).
Directed by Reginald Hudlin, who brought us the
"House Party" films so many years ago.
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Report
Card
Script:
F
Acting: F
Cinematography\Lighting: C-
Special Effects\Make Up: D-
Music: D+
Final
Grade: F
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