Cabin Boy - For the life of me, I can't figure out who might want to watch this movie.

The Cable Guy - Mildly funny and slightly twisted.

Cahoots - it's got one of the most ballsy scripts I've ever seen/heard and features a pretty damn bold, albeit not always on-target, performance by Keith Carradine.

Calendar Girls - Consistently reminds you just how beautiful women can be.

Camera Obscura - You will find yourself becoming increasingly and increasingly more bored and disgusted with it.

Camp - a realistic, un-fucking-fulfilled gay sexual obsession/love story. WHO THE FUCK WANTS THAT?

Cannibal ferox - Cannibals eat a male penis. Cannibals eat a man's brain.

Can't Hardly Wait - We've seen this trite plot a million times.

Can't Speak - Drives assuredly to it's perfect climax.

Cape of Good Hope - Isn't the worst film I've ever seen but it is probably the worst film I've seen at an arthouse this year.

Capote - contains two key elements in making a feature film successful: A perfect script and a brava performance.

Capturing the Friedmans - This is a film that will leave your stomach in knots. This is a film that will leave you will your head in a vice.

Career Girls - A sweet little character study about two female friends. What's great about the film is that it doesn't try to be more than it is.

Carnage - Writer/director Delphine Gleize is trying to get at something here but, for the life of me, I just can't figure out what.

Cast Away - Here's the pitch: Tom Hanks on a deserted island. Pretty much sells itself, doesn't it?

Cats and Dogs - Goddammit, if I see one more spoof of the stop- motion, 360 "Matrix" fight scene, I'm going to go ballistic.

The Cat's Meow - It is a visual delight to bask in the film the director creates here.

Catch Me If You Can - If there was any doubt that Steven Spielberg is a master filmmaker (and we all had some doubt after "A.I." didn't we?), then "Catch Me If You Can" waylays that disbelief.

Cecil B. DeMented - This film should be a no-budget masterpiece. Instead it's a flawed independent film, a minor cause celeb at best.

The Cell - It opens our minds a step further to all that is possible in cinema in this modern, computerized image age.

The Celluloid Closet - Is mainly about the way homosexuality has been depicted in American movies, particular A level studio products, since film began.

Celtic Pride - Quite possibly the worst basketball film since that one where all the players were Pisces or something.

The Center of the World - Imagine if Gary Franks (playing Willie in "Family") and Sharon Stone (in full "Basic Instinct" mode) starred in a dark, dark remake of "Pretty Woman"

Central Station - A deeply moving, thought-provoking, and touching experience.

Central Garden- Smart, sweet, gentle and touching, "Central Garden" is one of those short films that screams to be made into a feature.

Century Hotel -You get the feeling that you've seen this all before.

Chain of Desire - this hodgepodge rarely works. And the climax is so contrived, it leaves a bad taste in one's mouth.

Champions - The film begins to go beyond your typical schlub and asshole type "buddy comedy" and begins to become something more unique.

Changing Lanes - A pretty decent film. It’s no masterpiece, but I certainly enjoyed it.

Charlie: The Life and Art of Charles Chaplin - I cannot imagine a more comprehensive biographical documentary about Chaplin.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - I was really surprised by how much I liked this film.

Charlie's Angels - Eye Candy that will definitely rot your mind. But it sure taste sweet going down.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - It goes over the top at every moment. It's wild, crazy and campy fun.

Chasing Amy - Jesus Christ. If there is a better "mainstream" film about the nature of American sexuality in the 1990's, I'd like to see it.

The Chateau - A marvelous look at a culture clash.

Chelsea Girls - Is sometimes engrossing, sometimes boring, sometimes genius, sometimes stupid, sometimes beautiful, sometimes ugly, sometimes perfect and sometimes a mess. But it is always Warhol.

Chelsea Walls - A character meditation, rather than a character study.

Chicago - There's not a single new idea in the film.

Chill Factor -For the life of me, I can't think of why it might be made and released now.

Chocolat - It's very formulaic. Luckily the charm of the cast and the talent of all involved help to smooth it out some

Christmas in the Clouds - The film is sweet, well-made and romantic as hell.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - Only the stodgiest and most reserved of adults will refuse to be moved by the story.

Chrystal - Fails to live up to that promise.

Chuck and Buck - I spent a lot of time watching the film trying to decide whether it was homophobic nonsense or a masterpiece.

The Chumbscrubber - This film feels like a watered-down version of Solondz, Haynes, and Aronofsky.

cicadas - Moves through the all too familiar terrain of a modern dysfuctional family managing to never step into the pitfalls of such a genre.

The Cider House Rules - The work of all involved here culminates into one of the most powerful and beautiful films to come along in quite a while.

Cinderella Man - An epic story made for the silver screen using every technique on expects in such a film exactly by the book.

Cinemaker Co-op's "8 The Hard Way" - The strongest showing of 8mm short films by the Co-op in a long time.

Cinemania - It's a mishmash mess that often leaves us wanting.

Circuit -Like the trashiest gay novel you've ever read.

City of Angels - Is a Hollywood film and when the piece makes it's climax, it rings hollow. This same climax in a Foreign film, might make the film the extremely deep and wondrous. Here, it seems a bit too hard to swallow.

City of God - One of the most disturbing, repulsive, sick films I've seen since, well, since "Gangs of New York."

The City of Lost Children - It is a visual banquet.

Clay Fields - Abed's absurdist take on existence.

Clay Pigeons -Funny, quirky and dark, "Clay Pigeons" will delight the viewer.

The Clearing - Only those unbound by the constrains of "the establishment" in Hollywood could conceive of such a film.

Cleopatra's Second Husband - Rarely have I seen a feature film take this many twists and turns in it's plot.

Clerks -"Clerks" isn't "all that." It probably was in 1994. But now, just 5 years later, it seems dated, sophomoric and pretentious. Perhaps because it's been ripped off so much. Then again, it began by ripping off.

Clockers - Lee's film has a rich tapestry of story and an important message to deliver.

Clockwork Maury - The film is actually a fake, a spoof, a mocumentary. It isn't Kubrick's brother.

Closer - Intense, intriguing, verbose and perplexing.

Clueless - A sort of "Frankenstein" as written, directed and acted by Valley Girls.

The Cockettes - This is a gorgeous, lively, dazzling, amazing and important film.

Code 46 - While "Code 46" makes absolutely no sense at all, it is cool as fuck.

Coffee and Cigarettes - And regardless of one's feelings towards the titular bad habits, there will surely be consensus that Jarmusch's film is one of the most interesting, humorous and charming of the year, even if it is rather slight.

Coffee Date - A nice little film about how a gay guy won a straight friend by being himself and allowing the straight guy to be himself as well.

Cold Mountain - Part war film, part romance, part drama, part social commentary, part history lesson, part comedy and part "The Odyssey."

Colma: The Musical - Like Colma the city, the musical that bares its name seems a vast graveyard of wasted talent and opportunities.

The Comedians of Comedy - Part documentary, part goof-off, part performance film that is often funny but equally hollow and pointless.

The Company - The "Seinfeld" of dance movies.

Concealment - It made me physically ill.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - Everything about "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" is right on target.

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen - It does have enough charm and spirit to make it watchable.

Confinement - Just a lot of fun.

Congo - And, when you don't bother to think about all the plot holes and cliched characters, the film will hold your interest. As with many films, it's best to check your intellect at the door.

Connie and Carla - A stereotypical cinematic gay-bashing.

A Constant Forge - It goes on and on and on, repeating endlessly the same ideas and notions.

The Constant Gardener - Look, I know I should care but, let's face it, I'm a typical American; I don't.

Contact - Simply a fine motion picture. It might be easy to mistake this for a Science Fiction film.

The Contender - Finally, a film about democracy and the American Constitution and the beautiful freedom of this country. Well, almost.

Control Room - Is an incredibly biased and fascist film.

The Cooler - All the while suckling hard at the teat of Scorsese, "The Cooler" is nonetheless a great movie.

Copycat - A producer's tacked-on ending that makes the film's final intent seem trite and contrived.

The Corndog Man - Wow! This is one of the most interesting and unique films I have ever seen.

The Corporation - Often times we feel like we are being talked to like little children.

Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride - The story is as dull as dishwater.

Cote D'Azur - A real crowd pleaser.

Cowboy Bebop: The Movie - At almost 2 hours, the film becomes taxing in its final half.

Cowboys & Angels - Queer Eye for the Straight Irish Teenage Guy.

Cow Monkey - A film about rednecks and Granola crunchin' modern day hippies in search of the elusive Sasquatch.

CQ - Groove to the vibe that Copp is laying down, man.

The Cradle Will Rock - Look up the definition of "Masturbatory" in any film dictionary and from this point on it will say, "See Tim Robbins' 'The Cradle Will Rock.'"

The Craft - New wave sensibilities fly at full mast here with the film a highly-charged and vibrant black throughout.

Crash - One of the most uncompromising and important films of the new millennium.

"Crashpad" and "One Arm Bandit" - Richard Allen's two shorts, combined here to make one showing, are funny, clever, and visually stunning.

Crazy/Beautiful - At almost every turn, the script throws in a distinctive twist to keep the film interesting and unique.

Crazy in Alabama - A film which focuses on the racial aspects and the women's rights aspects of 60's Southern life still enthralled me.

The Cremaster Cycle - I generally liked what I saw. I wasn't blown away...

The Crimes of Father Amaro - The film is really nothing less than exploitative, shocking blasphemy for the sake of being appalling.

Criminal - Begins to emerge and engross us quickly.

Critic's Choice - Director Don Weis doesn't really seem to know what to do with this mess.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - Believe the hype!

Crumb - Is a devastating look at a severely dysfunctional American family through the microscope of a camera lens.

Cube- Re-hashed "Twilight Zone" plot is a simple metaphor taken to the extreme.

Cycles of Porn - This isn't a film about gay, naked bicycle riders but I wish to God it was.

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