Mindhunters (2005)
Why would you pay good money to
go see this Godawful film by hack Renny Harlin about
a bunch of FBI profilers trapped on a deserted island
Navy facility when you could stay home and watch the
season finale of "CSI" directed by Quentin Tarantino?
There is no reason to see this film.
It's crap. Every time you start thinking that it might
be good, something stupid happens to remind you that
this is a piece of shit directed by shitty director
Renny Harlin and you're jolted back into the reality
of reality itself: My God! I'm sitting at a megaplex
where I just paid good money to watch a film about
a bunch of FBI profilers getting killed on a deserted
island Navy Facility directed by that fucking hack
Renny Harlin. What the fuck was I thinking? I could
have spent that eight bucks and got a blow job from
a crack whore while I watched the season finale of
"CSI" directed by Quentin Tarantino for free!
I don't even want to talk about
this film. It's so bad. The last 20 minutes might
very well be the worst twenty minutes of film ever
exposed. Oh, that's not true. Renny Harlin has directed
films far more horrid then this one, hasn't he? I
didn't see the "Exorcist" prequel that he supposedly
turned into garbage. I haven't seen a lot of his films.
I'm a pretty smart guy.
I would rather spend this time talking
about the enormous amount of violent images that we
see on television these days in TV shows that are
awful but, alas, far superior to "Mindhunters." That's
what I was thinking as my mind wandered during the
dreadfully dull portions of this crapfest purporting
to be a real film.
Now, I am a bleeding heart liberal.
I believe in freedom of speech. So-called "bad words"
and graphic nudity and sexuality do not bother me
in the least. But the amount of graphic violent images
on regular network television has become a serious
issue here lately, especially when it comes to the
lowest- common-denominator type of American audiences
that watch crap like "CSI" and "Law and Order." I
only watch one show that has this problem, and I don't
watch it every week. It's an NBC show called "Medium"
with Patricia Arquette. The actress plays a psychic
that helps police catch criminals. Some of the images
on this show are so bloody and gory that they are
disgusting and disturbing. One episode even featured
a murderer who liked to fuck dead bodies. It was repulsive.
The fact that this show is on network TV is troubling
to me, even if it does come on at the supposedly "adult"
hour of 9pm (central time).
My ex-roommate Amanda used to watch
all of the "CSI" and "Law and Order" shows and I just
happened to be hanging out in the living room and
had to sit through them. Some of these are just as
bad if not worse. "CSI" was one of the lamest shows
I have ever seen - and one of the bloodiest. These
shows are not even good entertainment which makes
the fact that they are chock full of horrific and
violent images that children can see easily even more
revolting. Oscar Wilde once claimed, and I paraphrase
here, that there is no moral or immoral art, only
good or bad art. Whether or not it is moral or immoral
to show images of graphic violence on network show,
I don't really know - or care. All I know is that
"CSI" is a bad show. It concerns me that, as a nation,
we watch "CSI" as much as we watch "American Idol"
and "Survivor" and much more than we watch PBS. Hell,
even harmless, goofy, sex- drenched sitcoms like "Joey"
and "Will and Grace" can't compete with them. I think
that says more about us as a people than our president
or our war does that we watch nothing but violent
garbage on TV.
So, anyway, thanks for letting me
get that off my chest. Oh, and, "Mindhunters" is a
piece of shit. Look up the word "Shit" in the cinematic
dictionary. There you will see a simple two word definition:
Renny Harlin.
I hope they rerun that Tarantino
"CSI." Like a dumbass I missed it.
Notes:
With Val Kilmer (AKA he who is a
sure sign that a film is a dud), Christian Slater,
LL Cool James, Johnny Lee Miller, Kathryn Morris (of
another awful TV show "Cold Case"), Eion Bailey and
Will Kemp.
Written by Wayne Kramer, director
of "The Cooler." This must have been one that he had
sitting in his desk from his college days that he
somehow sold after his interesting film became a hit.
The film has numerous producers
including Akiva Goldsmith and the Weinstein brothers,
who fucked with the film all the way through it's
life at Dimension. The film has been on the shelf
since 2003.
Filmed in the Netherlands.
Viewed in Austin in May 2005.
