By Jason Lee

The Hydroponic Duo return in Kevin Smith’s latest feature, a gleefully lowbrow road movie filled with dick jokes, jewel-thieving vixens in vinyl cat suits, and a spunky orangutan. If the very idea of this film mortifies you, stop reading. Now. If, however, you:

(A) are a fan of Jay and Silent Bob from their appearances in Smith’s four previous films (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma);

(B)have seen the four films listed above, enjoyed them, and are entirely capable of cross-referencing characters and events (particularly from the original “New Jersey Trilogy”);

(C)are not opposed to dick jokes or long, lingering shots of Shannon Elizabeth’s polythene-encased ass; and

(D) have fond memories of Every Which Way But Loose...

…read on. This movie’s for you.

Here’s the deal: Unbeknownst to Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith), Miramax is making a movie based on Bluntman and Chronic - the comic from Chasing Amy, which uses our heroes as its basis. When they learn that the production is slated to begin in three days, they’re furious. First, because they haven’t received any cash from the deal. Most importantly, however, because people are talking shit about them on the Internet - which Jay fears will seriously affect their chances of getting laid. The movie must be stopped!

So they hit the road, bound for Los Angeles. Along the way, they hook up with Justice (Shannon Elizabeth) and catch a ride with her and her three “friends”, femme-fatale jewel thieves masquerading as animal rights activists. Jay falls deeply in lust with Justice, and a mutual attraction thing simmers along the way to Denver… where Jay and Silent Bob steal an orangutan from an animal testing lab, unaware that the girls are using them as a diversion while they ransack the diamond exchange next door. The girls make their escape, leaving the guys stranded as the cops roll up.

From this point forward, the flick gets seriously weird. It’s a sketchy plot, cliched as hell for the most part, but it’s pulled off with a wink. Well, not so much a “wink”, as a neon sign that says, “We know it’s a hackneyed idea! RELAX!”

It’s Mewes’ movie, when it all comes down. He pulls it off well, staying true to the character even in the face of romance (Jay’s “cutesy” nickname for Justice: “Boo-Boo-Kitty-Fuck”) and never slackening the energy. Elizabeth as Justice is eye candy with a sweet disposition and a nasty roundhouse kick. Although nobody in the movie is given a lot of character-development moments, it’s strange that Justice isn’t even blessed with a handful of witty rejoinders. Smith’s Bob isn’t as silent as he’s been in previous outings, but the extra lines don’t change the fact that the role is 90% pantomime. And if there ever was a guy made to be teamed up with an orangutan…

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is also chock-full of cameos. Familiar faces from Smith’s previous movies dot the landscape. Jason Lee and Ben Affleck are on double-duty here. The latter reprises Holden McNeil from Chasing Amy, and plays himself, alongside Matt Damon. Will Ferrell has a large part as a Federal Wildlife Marshal, and is very… Will Ferrell-like. Chris Rock keeps the crackers in line as the director of Bluntman and Chronic. Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill are in the mix. Both are great, but if further proof was needed of Smith’s Star Wars fascination, there you have it. The best of the bunch, though, comes courtesy of George Carlin, who plays a hitchhiker who’s, er… fully in tune with the rules of the road.

Smith’s abilities as a writer have always been vastly more interesting than his abilities as a director. The distance has narrowed for this one, but not because his direction has become any more dynamic. It’s ridiculous to slam the script for being what it intrinsically must be, as a Jay and Silent Bob picture: lowbrow, silly, often outright stupid, but fun. Still, one gets the impression that the basic outline was written in a couple of days, a small scene added whenever another star agreed to cameo, and the rest was improvised. It’s not a cohesive film, but it doesn’t try to convince the audience that it wants to be. It’s random weirdness pasted on top of tried-and-true structure.

So, advice for the moviegoer: Don’t expect miracles out of this film. Don’t expect scathing wit, social commentary, or a riveting plot. Instead, imagine that two of your stoner buds just made a movie. Take it at face value and enjoy it.

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