Dare Devil (2003)
It's obvious that Matt Murdoch,
as played by Ben Affleck, alias the Dare Devil superhero,
is blind. If he could see, he'd immediately notice
that he looks like a complete gay-rod. I've never
seen a more gay looking superhero. The fact that they
try and hook this closeted homo up with a female love
interest just goes to prove that the gay rights movement
in America still has a long way to go. Ben Affleck
as a heterosexual superhero. Wearing a tight red leather
bodysuit and a gimp mask. Puh-leeze!
I guess Colin Farrell as Bullseye
must be a homo too. He says "I want a bloody costume"
as his tagline here. It's supposed to rival The Joker
saying "Wait 'til they get a load of me" in "Batman."
It doesn't. It's stupid. Colin Farrell has nothing
to do here and what he does do is just stupid as hell.
Stupider even than closet case Affleck's posturing
as some sort of blind martial arts guru.
The plot here is ridiculous. And
the ending: Oh my God. I've seen some very blatant,
very manipulative examples of movies that hope to
be "franchises" which leave the ending open for a
sequel... But this film slaps you in the face with
it. Oh, don't get me wrong, they try to tart it up
as a "comic book," "good vs. evil" morality play but
the plain and obvious truth is that Fox is hoping
desperately that they can parlay this lame-ass, third-
rate, boring, standard, comic-book fodder drivel into
a successful film franchise. (And if opening weekend
grosses are any indication, they will). Affleck will
probably sign on for three or four films until his
already tarnished star is nothing but a ridiculous
piece of crappy tin. If Affleck simply starred in
this franchise and the horrid Jack Ryan films for
the next 10 years and then disappeared off the face
of the Earth, that would be all right with me.
Indie film director Kevin Smith
has a cameo in this crap because it is, in part, based
on a series of "Dare Devil" comic books he authored
for Marvel a few year's back. I guess he was too busy
to write or direct this film. Maybe he just knew it
was crap. But, hey, if Benny gets a seven-figure deal
out of it, all the better. Affleck's probably into
Smith for a kilo or two of pot anyway. (You don't
think those droopy eyes and that ignorant as fuck
personality-less demeanor is natural do you?)
Writer/director Mark Steven Johnson
or whatever three typical names he has proves that
he's just as uninventive as the mother who named him.
Mark Steven Johnson. Why don't they just call you
One Two Johnson or A.B. Johnson or Average American
Nameless Fuck Johnson? This is the guy, by the way,
who fucked up John Irving's awesome novel "A Prayer
for Owen Meany" by bastardizing it into the film "Simon
Birch" a few years back.
I won't say "Dare Devil" is 100%
horrible and worthless. Maybe 85% horrible and worthless
though. There's some interesting visual stuff now
and again. And it's nice to see Michael Clark Duncan
in a role where he isn't a big dumb retarded negro.
Instead, of course, he's a big, black buck - a muscular
bad guy. But hey, isn't it time we stopped blaming
Hollywood for typecasting African-Americans as villains?
At least horrible rap music doesn't come on when he
enters the scene... Oh, wait a minute.
Speaking of the music here, it is
as lame as this film. Typical, teenage, Alt-rock radio
crap by butt-rockers who have sold their souls to
record companies so that they can snort coke and get
their dicks sucked. But, hey, isn't that why Affleck
got into film in the first place too?
Who am I kidding? "Dare Devil" sucks.
And not in a good way. Not like Ben Affleck on the
casting couch.
Note:
Also with Jennifer Garner of TV's
"Alias."
