The Brothers Grimm (2005)
I love Terry Gilliam as much as
the next guy but this has to be his worst film ever.
In fact, it is probably one of the worst films of
the year. It's rare when so much talent goes completely
to waste but "The Brothers Grimm" is a megawatt, multi-star
misfire that is so horrid one expects it explode into
flames as it spools through the projector. It is obvious
that Gilliam, who has publicly complained about the
studio and producers interference in the film, simply
gave up and didn't give a fuck about this film as
he went through the motions of making it.
This carelessness obviously rubs
off on stars Matt Damon and Heath Ledger who are so
confused on the screen that even they cannot follow
the horrible story being offered up here. Damon prances
around hoping his cutie-boy, big toothed grin will
make the audience forget that the story, action, direction
and dialogue here makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
He is not so fortunate. And Ledger... What the fuck
is up with him? Want a specific example of Gilliam
not giving a toss about this film? Look no further
than Ledger's performance. He prances and poofs around
in the film mumbling and acting like a flaming git.
This isn't a performance, it's a nervous breakdown
on film. Hello! Terry! Wake Up! Heath just did a shitload
of coke and drank a 12-pack of Red Bulls and thinks
he's acting again. Help!
The secondary cast fares no better.
Lena Headey is simply as bland as white bread as the
love interest. This woman is nothing but a pretty
face. It's like watching a fucking billboard pretending
to be a character for an hour. She's horrible. Gilliam
wanted to cast Samantha Morton but Harvey Weinstein
nixed that idea. I'm not saying Morton would have
been better - she wouldn't have - but at least she
has a fucking personality. It's the wrong personality
for the role, mind you, but it would be more interesting
than the banality that is Headey. Someone should kick
her in the teeth so she can't work in another film.
(Her acting ability has absolutely nothing to do with
why she is hired to be in a film, obviously). Jonathan
Pryce and Peter Storemare - or is it Stellan Sarsgaard
- anyway -fare no better as French soldiers. Allowed
to have the most unintelligible and annoying accents,
these two B-list "hams" are so horrible that we almost
want to put them on the white bread that is Headey,
smear on some mustard and have a picnic. Anything
to get out of the fucking theater while this movie
is running. Running is indeed the best idea for the
audience.
You just expect so much more from
Terry Gilliam. This is like a watered-down, shitty
remake of "Sleepy Hollow" without the magic of Johnny
Depp and Tim Burton. This film is too scatterbrained
for adults, too highbrow for kids and completely uninteresting
to boot. The story is unfollowable and the acting
is so unrestrained as to require a straight- jacket.
The special effects are laughable. The CGI wolf in
the film looks like it was created in 1992 on a DOS
based program. This is just a bad film.
Grim indeed.
Notes:
Filmed in the Czech Republic.
Nicole Kidman, Anthony Hopkins,
Robin Williams, and Johnny Depp were all attached
to this film at one time or another.
Gilliam had a hard to making the
film and it was almost aborted, as was his feature
based on "Don Quixote." MGM pulled out of funding
the film at the last minute and the Weinstein brothers
intervened to fund the piece but insisted on many
changes and even fired the cinematographer. Gilliam
stopped filming at one point and lensed a script called
"Tideland" before returning to this piece. "Tideland"
is set to premiere at the Toronto Film Festival in
September 2005.
Viewed at a press sneak in Austin
in August 2005. Harry Knowles and his father were
in attendance. I want to be Harry Knowles. Not only
is he the most noteworthy Internet film geek ever
and an Austin institution, but he now gets to ride
around in a motorized wheelchair all day since his
weight has reached epic proportions. Also in attendance
were Cargill and Martin of the cable access review
show "The Reel Deal," Marjorie Baumgarten of "The
Austin Chronicle" and Liz Lopez of "El Mundo."
