Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
The previews and ads for this film
remind us that "Atlantis is waiting." Apparently what
it is waiting for is the suckers who will shell out
7 bucks for Disney's latest animated piece o' crap.
"Atlantis" is packaged to be a "smart"
Disney film. And with no songs and no animals that
talk, "Atlantis" should be witty, intelligent and
sassy. It is instead a boring, artsy- fartsy, artifice
made up of new age mumbo jumbo and the standard contrived
movie bad guys. Yep, the film's plot finds the "adventurers"
in the story turned (at the prescribed moment) into
robber-barons whose credos are tantamount to Manifest
Destiny. They're only in it for the money. Screw it
if they endanger a whole race of people. Luckily,
of course, there's the stock, yawn, Disney hero to
fight for right. Of course, he's a complete wimp,
modeled after the male lead in the animated "101 Dalmatians."
In fact, if you've seen the original "101" and read
any Jules Verne, there's really no reason to see this
dull headache of a movie anyway.
The animation here is that supposedly
"beautiful" Disney "magic" which is really just heightened
Saturday Morning crap tarted up for a feature film.
As always, the human characters move far too fluidly
and quickly to seem realistic. And, worse yet, there
is not one truly awe-inspiring jaw-dropping visual
here. Atlantis is pretty much a weak imitation of
Dreamworks most recent animated world, a watery "Eldorado."
Even more disappointing are the action
sequences which are as poorly executed as some live-action
"action" montages. The activity so quick and the editing
so brisk that it is near impossible to tell what the
fuck is going on. Animation should take you into the
action in new and interesting ways, in ways that real
films cannot. "Atlantis" simply emulates the quick
cut, wham-bam technique of live-action and leaves
you confused on the sidelines.
No one in the cast, Leonard Nimoy,
James Garner, John Mahoney, Cree Summer, Don Novello
(doing Father Guido Sarducci throughout) nor the late
Jim Varney adds anything to their character here.
They are forced to verbalize the most inane dialogue
and typical stuff. Half the time the voice work is
so awful and the sound mix so poor that we can't understand
what is being said anyway. Even Michael J. Fox, who
works his ass off here, sucks. He has nothing to work
with. Apparently his Parkinson's has rendered him
unable to distinguish a good script from crud.
Disney Schmisney. "Atlantis" is a floating
turd.
Notes:
Score by James Newton-Howard.
