All About My Father (2002) (AKA Alt
Om Min Far)
"The Two in One" might also be a
good title for this film. "All About My Father" is
a Norwegian documentary about a respected 50-year-old
physician named Esben Benestad who is also a transvestite,
an author and an advocate for "uncommon" people. What
makes the film so unique is that it is made by Benestad's
grown son Even (pronounced Evan) and delves deeply
into the family most painful and unresolved trauma:
The father's divorce from the director's mother, some
16 years earlier. Benestad's grown daughter and his
current wife, the siblings' stepmother, are also a
part of the story.
Benestad and his second wife seem
to be quite competent psychoanalysts, having authored
books together. The stepmother even reveals a keen
insight for explaining points of view during a father/son
argument and a therapist's mindset in trying to help
them work through their feelings. But for all the
rational thought, educated psychoanalysis and honest
discussion, the family here obviously is delving through
layers and layers, years and years, of hurt, pain,
misunderstanding and frustration. This is fascinating
and voyeuristic stuff, the kind of "family on the
verge of collapse" video drama that made "Capturing
the Friedmans" such a captivating film.
The truly unique and interesting
thing about this film is that it is not particularly
made from a gay-positive viewpoint. (Albeit the father
is not gay - just a transvestite). This is a film
made by the son of a male cross-dresser (who considers
himself transgendered) that doesn't have the opinion
of "Gee, isn't my transvestite dad cool."
Still, the son here presents the
story in a very neutral way. He is willing to show
himself as being as difficult and as complex as his
father. And the son certainly isn't a cheerleader
for his father's diverse life. In fact, he questions
it and tries to understand it throughout the entire
film without really succeeding. And that's not for
want of trying either.
It is Even's questioning nature
that leads the family through the film and perhaps
to some sort of understanding and closure. In a poignant
and important final 10 minutes, Esben is finally able
to articulate his reasons for his life and his life
choices to his son and the audience in a way that
helps us to better understand him. It is, in therapeutic
terms, a breakthrough moment.
Throughout the film we watch father
and son talk, argue, discuss and examine their lives
and their histories. The feelings and familial scars
brought forth in the film show a desperate need for
love and forgiveness. We wait for father or son to
say something emotional, honest, real. Perhaps because
they are males, perhaps because they are intellectuals,
perhaps because they have so much baggage here, or
perhaps it is for some other reason, not once do they
even seem to say "I love you" to one and other. These
are people who are far too intellectual and analytical.
The viewer longs for a sign of love between the two
that is simply emotional. We have to wait until almost
the end of the film to get it. After the end credits
begin to scroll, the two do hug and allow us to see
that, perhaps, some healing has begun.
In the final analysis, a film that
is supposed to be about sexual identity, gender identity
and freedom of choice boils down to the core idea
of love of family. Even with his intellect, his openly
transgendered life, his recognition and his acceptance
from society, Esben's life means nothing without the
love of his son. Their embrace at the film's end speaks
volumes about what is truly important to both men.
And to us as a society.
Notes:
In Norwegian with subtitles.
Shot on video with many scenes in
black and white.
The film has won some festival awards.
It has mainly been seen at festivals throughout the
world but appears to have been distributed theatrically
in Norway.
Although the film shows Esben working
in his office seeing patients, it is not made clear
that he is a physician in a small town. The film's
write-up, in the Agliff festival program tells us
this. It also tells us he has written two books on
"sex education" and writes a column in a men's magazine.
Again, this is not really explored or explained well
in the movie. And Esben's female alter-ego, Esther
Pirelli, is listed in the catalogue as a "sex therapist"
and "occasional actress." This is also really not
discussed in the film as well.
Viewed on 8/24/03 at the Metropolitan
Theater in Austin as a part of Agliff 2003 (Day 4).
Notes on Agliff 2003 - Day 4 - Part
one
The film was spotlit by Waterloo
Counselling and someone associated with them did some
trivia and handed out some prizes before the film.
The showing was a 4:30 and I saw
this one by myself. Johnny Oh! was at a dentist appointment.
The crowd was mixed male and female. Some lesbians
brought a baby and I heard them tell a friend it was
the infant's first film but it didn't make a peep
all throughout the running.
