The
Adventures
of Pinocchio (1996)
A really
dull live action version of the story we all loved as
a cartoon, with some stop motion and comnputer animation
mixed in. The worst part of all of this isn't the endless
clackity-clack of the titular wooden boy that we have
to endure in this film but the fact that it goes on
for so long. Tiger Beater Jonathan Taylor Thomas does
the voice of the puppet but he doesn't become a real
boy (i.e. JTT in the flesh) until 3 minutes before the
end credits roll. In the interim, we don't see anything
worthwhile; The boys become jack-asses in a silly sideline
segment and Pinocchio spends a lot of time talking to
a computer animated cricket with a ridiculous name (i.e.
not "Jiminy"). That's about all there is here. David
Doyle is forced to provide the voice for this animated
insect seemingly from his deathbed.
The film
attempts to be interesting by trying some unique casting
but it generally fails. Bebe Neuwirth (TV's Lillith)
and Rob Schnieder (from TV's "SNL") play a pair of sneaky
con artists who try to steal the puppet but their shenanigans
really add nothing. The biggest casting coup of the
film comes when perennial weirdo Udo Kier plays a puppeteer
auteur. Unfortunately, the director gives him a watered-down
character and doesn't allow him to go full force here.
It is amusing to see him work in a supposed children's
film but we lick our chops expecting so much more and
are sadly denied.
Another
bad decision of the powers-that-be is to have Pinocchio
sing. Since JTT can't do the honors himself, Stevie
Wonder is allowed to provide the voice of the puppet.
His schmaltzy pop tunes are so incongruous to the overall
picture here that we cannot help but shake our heads
in bewilderment when they are heard.
"Pinocchio"
could be a really interesting source for a live action
film, especially with today's animating technology.
Too bad everyone's efforts are wasted here. I can't
imagine any normal child sitting still for the 100 minutes
that it takes this bomb to countdown.
Note:
Director
and co-scripter is Steve Barron. Based on the novel
by Carlo Collodi. Jim Henson's Creature Shop did many
of the puppets.
Also starring
Martin Landau, Genevieve Bujold, Dawn French (of "French
and Saunders").
Music by
Rachael Portman. Songs by Brian May are also used. *
Filmed
partially in Prague
At one time
the film was known as "Carlo Collodi's 'Pinocchio'."
Review
written in 1996
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