Nothing officially going on right now. But I will be submitting a short film I made with Rich Eckersley called "Filling the Hole" to several film festivals, including SXSW. I'll let you know if anything happens.

Hollywood Talks Turkey - Doug McLelland

Nightmare of Ecstacy - Rudolph Grey

Guide For the Film Fanatic - Danny Peary

Patti Smith - Horses

Belle et Sebastian - The Boy with the Arab Strap

Belle et Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister

Bowie - Young Americans

Bowie - Heathen

Boards of Canada

Loverboy's Greatest Hits

David Lodger's Hallucination - Hits

Steven Reich - Music for 18 Musicians

Nick Drake - Pink Moon

Supreme Beings of Leisure

Kim Carnes - Mistaken Identity

Police - Outlandos D'Amour

Blondie - Eat to the Beat

The Call - Reconcilled

Trans Am - TA

Nick Drake's "Pink Moon" is really exceptional, perhaps the saddest, most sorrowful album I've ever heard. It's hurting me so deep inside my heart to listen to it. Beautiful pain. The title track is simply gorgeous and poignant and so… so perfect. When he sings, "pink, pink, pink, pink… pink moon," I feel such overwhelming emotions. I think, perhaps, it is the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It makes me want to crawl up in a fetal position, hug my knees to my chest, and sob.

Storytelling

Lone Star

Monsters, Inc

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Following

Super Troopers

10/8 - Big Trouble

10/8 - Enough

10/8 - Jason X

10/8 - The Son's Room

10/8 - Beauty and the Beast (Disney)

10/15 - Insomnia (American)

10/15 - Sorority Boys

10/15 - Beat

10/22 - E.T.

10/22 - Mr. Deeds (Sandler)

10/22 - Y tu mama tambien

10/22 - Gangster #1

11/1 - Spider-Man

11/5 - Band of Brothers

11/5 - Pumpkin

11/12 - Lord of the Rings (Expanded, 30 extra minutes and more)

11/12 - South Park - Complete 1st Season

11/26 - Ice Age

12/17 - Back to the Future Trilogy (Box Set)

10/3 - The Frogs - Emos

10/5 - Austin Lounge Lizards - Cactus Cafe

10/6 - Elvis Costello - The Backyard

10/8 - Films of Alexander Dovzhenko at Alamo Downtown - Zvenigora

10/9 - "The Truth About Charlie" w/ Jonathan Demme - Paramount

10/18 - Laurie Anderson - Paramount

10/18 - Delbert McClinton - Antones

10/15 - Films of Alexander Dovzhenko at Alamo Downtown - Battle of Soviet Ukraine

10/19 & 10/20 - Mandy Pitankin - Paramount

10/19 - Kinky Friedman - Antones

10/20 - Tony Hawk - Alamodome - San Antonio

10/22 - Films of Alexander Dovzhenko at Alamo Downtown - Shcors

10/26 - Tragically Hip - Stubbs

10/30 - Spoons - Emos

10/31 - Ben Kweller (early show) - Emos

11/6 - Bruce Springsteen - Frank Erwin Center

11/8 & 11/9 - Cowboys Junkies - One World

11/9 - Explosions in the Sky - Emos

11/9 & 11/10 - Rich Little's "The Presidents" - Paramount

11/9 - Dick Dale - Lucy's San Marcos

11/10 - Kronos Quartet - Bass

11/13 - Les Savy Fav/pretty Girls Make Graves - Emos

11/16 - Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Emos

11/24 - The Donnas - Emos

12/15 - Dave Mason - One World

Road to Perdition

Read My Lips

XXX

Sweet Home Alabama

The Tuxedo

Barber Shop

Lilo & Stitch

Swimfan

Read My Lips

Secret Ballot

Mostly Martha

1. Star Hustler

2. Snubbing the Kitty

3. Retarded Star

4. Crack Hamster

Best name of a band I've never heard (yet)

I Love You but I've Chosen Darkness

(Note: The title of this section is from a song lyric I wrote probably when I was in Jr. High, maybe a High School freshman. I'm sure it was quite silly and hokey. I wish I had it somewhere here in Austin where I could dig it up and look it over, but most of my old writing is still at my parent's house in Houston. I threw some of them away a few years ago, so it may not even be around anymore. Please excuse this self-indulgent, self-referential moment that only I "get.")

Well, I'm pretty much done with J.K. After he spent a week out of town visiting some guys he met on the Internet (yuck), he came back to town and didn't really want to see me. Now, granted, I was really busy working on screening films for the Austin Film Festival and we hadn't made definite plans, but he seemed to have no desire to see me. On a night we should have hooked up, he ended up going out with his roommate, whom he constantly bitches about, and then not wanting to meet me. I told him that I don't mind coming after his work, or his family, or his school, but I wasn't going to come second to people he met on the Internet (yuck) or a roommate that he says he hates.

I hung up on him and decided that if the relationship were worth saving to him, he would come see me. He left one voicemail and sent one text message but never tried any harder to make up with me. He didn't even try to find me to tell me to fuck off. He simply does not communicate and that, right there, is the problem. (My God, I write tons of stuff every week, have a cable access show, and go out at least two nights a week to party. If there's one thing I do, it's communicate! I can't be with someone who does not.)

I know I am demanding of people and I expect a lot, but I don't think it was too much to expect him to try a little harder to make things work with me. Maybe I'm wrong. I've certainly been wrong before in relationships. Anyway, I know a lot of people are thinking that it was obvious it wasn't going to work or that I was far too in love with him for it to be healthy, or, worse, that he was wrong for me, but I don't care. I'm still hurt so deeply and profoundly that I almost don't want to go on with life.

You know, I write my life on this website and I rarely censor stuff and hardly ever hold back my feelings. This is how I am in real life too. When you put yourself out there for the world to see, it is easy for people to second guess you and, even more sadly, stomp all over you. But I am not going to change the way I am for any reason. I say what I think and feel. And I expect a lot from friends and lovers. So be it.

Anyway, J.K. only had to find me and I would have talked it out with him. He only had to make an effort. Yep. It was a test. He failed.

I can't believe I meant absolutely nothing to him but I guess that's the way it is.

So, anyway, this all went down on a Monday night in September. I went to Casinos and got smashed and drank lots of Jagermeister to remind myself how shitty life was. At 1am, I called my friend Ashton and it rang. It was kinda late, so I didn't leave a message. But Ashton called me back right away and wanted to hang out so we ended up going to my place and drinking and talking until 7am.

Of course, I have begun to transfer some of my feelings for J.K. over to Ashton even though the boy is hopelessly straight and has made it clear he is not interested. But, at least, he makes time for me. On a night when I couldn't even get my "boyfriend" (or whatever he was) to spend 1 minute with me, Ashton spent 6 hours with me, just talking and hanging out and letting me vent my sexual frustration on him and everything. It was really nice. Ashton and I have continued to see each other quite a bit and it is relaxing and easy for me because, even though I am somewhat pursuing him, I know where I stand with him. He communicates with me. Not like J.K. whom I never could figure out. At least with Ashton, I know where I stand. I might not like where I stand, but I know. And that makes it far easier to hang out with him and not get frustrated about it. Even though he does frustrate me at times.

(If you're wondering who the fuck J.K. is and what the fuck I'm talking about, check out some old notes and the Agliff 2002 coverage.)

Ashton and I watched Lube TV with Vixen/Melissa the other night and then we went to Wan Fu. Melissa's been seeing this guy who is only 16 and she is trying to work through her feelings for him. Melissa thinks she wants a relationship, which is the worst possible thing for her right now, in my mind, and she keeps attaching herself to guys hoping one will stick. (A few weeks ago, Ashton talked me into talking her into going out with him again, saying that he wanted to be with her, and then, when she did see him again, he fucked her and dumped her for a second time). She told me that she thought all he really wanted was to just to try out fucking a girl with his new cock piercing. Whatever.

Anyway, at some point, when we're talking about Melissa's 16-year-old "boyfriend," Ashton teases her about being a child molester or cradle robber or something and she gets all mad and huffy and refuses to talk to him. I had to take him home (while she sat silently) and then ask her if she was going to be mad at him forever or if I could still invite them to the same parties. She was furious or anything. I think there's just some residual tension between them.

I had bought $70 tickets to "Hair" at Zach Scott to take J.K., but since he is no longer in my life (his choice), I took Melissa. It was a fun evening. We ran into Cat (or is it Kat) from the Paramount who was volunteering to run the T-shirt booth so she could get a free ticket to the show. Cat is really cool and fun to talk to.

An interesting story I heard: Apparently some big company (I think they were Realtors or something) rented out the theater for a private showing of "Hair." The audience members got drunk prior to the show and when the cast got naked at the end of the first half, several of the audience members got up and went on stage and started molesting the cast! It was apparently a big to-do and the cast refused to go on for the second half of the show. Good for them!

There were pictures of the cast on the wall and Melissa and I picked out the boy that we thought was the cutest. She looked in the program and saw his character's name was "Tribe" but then we realized that Tribe was what they called the "Chorus" in "Hair." Anyway, this cutie's name was Tyler Rhodes. He was just a chorus boy, but he made the show for me!

The performances in "Hair" were awesome. There was not one off-note sung; not one wrong movement; in fact, there was not one moment that was lacking in the performance we went to. It was beautifully performed. And Rhodes was such a cutie, such a little showman. He sang and danced his heart out! Melissa and I felt like we really picked a winner in him. It was cool to focus on him during the performance because he was so lively and obviously really enjoying himself. It made for a wonderful show.

The staging of the piece had some problems though. There was a lot of movement of set pieces and props and I often felt like the chorus, in particular Rhodes, was more part of the cast to be furniture movers than singers and dancers. I realize that the Zach Scott stage is rather small, but there was just far too much movement of stage props and things on wheels than was necessary. It got to be a little tedious at times.

Also, as "Hair" was set in the 60's, there were a few too many instances where more modern references were incorporated into the dialogue, props or imagery. For example, the word "cyber" was used somehow and, as we all know, that this is not a word that existed back then. But, regardless, all of these problems were washed away by a powerful and moving scene in the play where a ballad was sung and the cast walked around the "park" setting carrying signs reminiscent of the "missing" posters that people carried after 9/11. I'm sure in the original play had the cast carrying pictures of Vietnam soldiers who were killed or MIA, but this modernization of a moment was one example of how the play stayed true to the original while also becoming relevant for post-millennium audiences. The effect was not lost on me. The stark raw emotional quality of the masses gathered, walking in peace, carrying pictures of loved ones missing was as appropriate today as it was in the late 60's. This is how the play blurred the line of verisimilitude to bring the spirit of the original play into a modern context so that younger audiences could relate to it as easily as those of us who remember the 60's. I got teary-eyed with melancholia from the emotional resonance of the performance. It was hard not to like this staging of "Hair" and I can see why audiences have been flocking to it at Zach Scott.

If you remember, I refuse to go to Starseeds because the waiter there, who looks like Morrissey, was such an ass to me the last time I went. Melissa tells me he is quitting and now everyone expects me to go back there. I don't think they get it. This guy ruined Starseeds for me. To go back now would require at least one visit just to get over the fact that I had such a bad experience. I would be sitting there thinking about how the last time I had went, it was so shitty. So, I can't go back with friends because I don't want to subject them to that experience. I want to have fun with friends. Time with friends is precious. I don't want to waste time with friends going through a bunch of shit at Starseeds just so I can go back there with friends. It sucks.

I bought tickets to see Laurie Anderson at the Paramount on 10/18. They were 50 bucks apiece. She's one of only about 3 or 4 performers that I would spend that much to see.

Does this happen to you? It's your day off so you don't take a shower or brush your teeth or anything because, hey, it's your day off. And then you go somewhere and you see someone cute and they talk to you and seem really nice and you're like, fuck, here I am with bad breath and my hair fucked up and stinking like a fish and some cutie is actually talking to me. That's what happened the other day on my day off when I went to Hut's Hamburgers. I hadn't showered or shaved or brushed my teeth and this really cute, young guy seated me. He even noticed my "F13" and "Not Gay" pins and asked about them. I was so pissed because I really wanted to hit on him and I looked like shit. Of course, if I had bathed and stuff, it never would have happened. Fate is so cruel.

Oh God! My roomies and I went to Trudy's a couple weeks ago and I had a Mexican Martini. Now, this is really little more than a glorified Margarita, but they serve it in a Martini shaker and give you a Martini glass with a few olives and then let you pour them out. You get 6 or 7 "Martinis" per shaker. It's really no more than a regular old Margarita, but it seems like a lot more because you pour yourself these little glasses one at a time. The limit is two, so you know I drank the limit.

After that, I was feeling no pain, so the roomies and I went to Casinos and played some pool and video games and continued to get our drink on. They've redone part of the upstairs at Casinos with cool "flame" paintings on the wall and even added a plush booth. There are also Plexiglas benches with fluorescent black lights inside of them. It looks cool as hell up there.

Anyway, I called Ashton when I got good and drunk and he wanted to come over, so again I allowed myself to get interested in him only to be shot down. I mean, again, with him I can understand it because he professes to be straight.

I took Aston to the sneak of "Four Feathers" the next day even though I was a little depressed about our "friendship." I know where Ashton is coming from and I'm cool with it. Again, I know I am transferring a lot of my feelings for J.K. on to him and I am just grateful to have some place to put those feelings, rather than try and deal with them alone or work through them alone, or whatever. I consider these "outings" with Ashton "dates," even though I know they are not. A long time ago, what I wished for was just a cute boy in my life, a friend to go to movies with and hang out with. That's all I really wanted. J.K. became much more than that and it got emotions involved and got all fucked up. I'm trying not to make that same mistake here. Good luck!

At "Four Feathers," I sat in the press section and felt like a big shot with Ashton by my side. My friend Jan, who goes to all the sneaks and many of the film festivals, came up and said hello. She's such a sweetie. I really like talking to her.

And then I took Ashton to "One Hour Photo" at the Dobie the next day. Isn't this dating?

I wanted to do a bunch of Cinematexas stuff this year but ended up blowing it off. I couldn't really find out anything about some of the films and events and the ones I did hear about didn't interest me that much.

However, on Wednesday night, the 18th, Cinematexas did this spotlight on cable access stuff that was put together by Spencer Parsons. My friend Kyle Henry, the awesome filmmaker (he's my friend now, which is so cool) had told me about the showcase, as he also knows Spencer. I had given Spencer some clips from our show, Lube TV, as well as John Christensen's short film opus, "Manifesto," which aired on Episode 1. Spencer included clips from these in the showcase.

A lot of friends showed up to show their support and that was really awesome. In addition to my co-host Mark Brauner and our regular Vixen/Melissa, Ashton, my roomie Amanda, Alan Campbell, and Johnny Oh! came out for the screening. Matt Lacommette and Patrick Healy of the original Lube TV Arkestra (and The Oblong Boys) also came and brought some friends, including Matt's sweet girlfriend Melissa (maybe we should dub her Melissa Too - or Matt's Melissa).

Kyle was there and introduced Spencer who got up and gave a rather long-winded but nice intro to the showing. The thing only ran a little over an hour, but it was jam packed with hilarious stuff. Now, some of this seemed to be designed to poke fun at the participants of the various shows but none of it really seemed mean-spirited. It was all in good fun. John's "Manifesto" was cut into pieces and inserted in different spots, so it's true weirdness really seemed to come out, as well as its absurd humor. I think, in the midst of all this stuff, it was more like people laughing at it, than with it, yet it allowed me to see the film in a whole new light. I never realized just how weird it really is. I mean, I knew John and many of his friends before I ever saw the film. And it is freaky. But to the uninitiated, it's outright mind-blowing.

There were several interesting clips including some from Chicago and DC. There was "Chic-a go-go," a crazy "American Bandstand" rip-off that had the weirdest assortment of people dancing to hip-hop songs with young African-American children. It was awesome (in the sense that it was jaw dropping in the awe it inspired in the viewer). There was a show where frat boys drank a gallon of milk in an hour and then vomited it back up. It wasn't so gross, because the puke was mainly regurgitated milk, but it looked really, um, unique. There was a religious show with really horrid puppetry, and bad camera angles to show the puppeteer behind the counter with his hand being forced up the puppet's ass. The animal puppets sang songs written by Mary Baker Eddy. The female co-host of this show seemed on Prozac and unfazed by the horror of it all.

From Lube TV, there was a clip of Vixen and Richard Eckersley shirtless, wearing only electrical tape over their nipples while I talked about armpit raping Rich. (I had forgotten about that - Rich is in L.A. now) and there was the footage from "Austin City Limits" where Patrick stage-crashes on Clint Black's set and sings the lines from some weird song while the band and Black look on in awe.

But the true highlight of the showcase, for me, was this longhaired 30-something guy who lip-sang songs in his kitchenette while trying to look sexy. Funny thing was, the songs were about Jesus even though the vocals seemed to be inspired by lots of Iggy Pop vocal works. It was fucking hilarious. I laughed so hard I spotted a little. I couldn't breath. Then the tape would slow down to 8-frames-per-second (with the text from the guy's VCR appearing on the screen saying "slo-mo") while he tried to look sexy. It was just God-awful and hilarious. I'm still laughing about it. You just have to see this shit, man. I want Spencer to come show some of it on Lube TV.

Speaking of this Cable Access Showcase, Kyle Henry is doing sdome more screenings of avant-garde and truly indie cinema. He did this earlier this year at The Blue Theater on Monday night and called it "Blue Screen." Now the event is moving to The Hideout and has a new name, which I can't recall right now. I do know that the film "American Astronaut," which I've wanted to see forever, will be showing in December. This thing played at Sundance and yet no one in town has programmed it. Also, Kyle told me that Spencer's Cable Access showcase may show as part of this series in December as well.

Went to the Vortex to see the play "Conversations at a Bathouse can be Tricky" with Johnny Oh! John had taken me to see the play "Making Porn" a few weeks before and I wanted to pay him back. I didn't tell John where we were going, just to plan to be with me on that night, but he figured it out. Not surprisingly, he ran into the author and star of the (nearly) one-man-show at a bathhouse recently. I should have known he'd know the guy.

His name is Jim Chappeleaux and he is a dancer and performer. I didn't read anything about the play, just the title, as is my wont, but Johnny told me it was a one-man sort of thing and that the guy used to live in Hotlanta and had done portions of the play there. He was reviving it for Austin. We were going to the inaugural showing of the thing. It was a benefit for some Wellness Center or something.

"Conversations in a Bathhouse can be Tricky" is a great name for a piece. But the show is really mixed. There's a lot of stuff in there and some of it works and some of it doesn't.

It's a rather personal piece but it begins with Chappeleaux in drag, lip-singing a song (badly, by the way). I was really afraid that the whole lip-singing drag queen thing was going to be the entire show, but luckily it just opens the piece. Still, it's a shaky way to start. There were two or three times in the piece where Chappeleaux tried to lip-sync with random pre-recorded sound bytes. This never worked and seemed slightly unnecessary. (Worse yet, you could here the sound crew in the booth talking and doing cues during the entire performance).

After that, there is a long-ass slide show where Chappeleaux shows us his old photos via slideshow and tells us his life story. Again, he is trying to make the show personal, so you have to have a little knowledge of his life to understand some of the places the piece goes but, again, this seems like a sloppy and pretentious way to start off.

Chappeleaux fancies himself a dancer, so there were lots of extended "dance" segments in the piece that seemed like a lot of foolish prancing about to me. Johnny has studied some dance as well, so he said that the guy was actually doing different moves and stuff. To me, it doesn't matter. It didn't fit and, again, it was sloppy and pretentious. Johnny liked it okay, though.

Then there was a overly long and tired-as-hell portion where safe sex was, yet again, drummed into our heads. It was pointless preaching this crap to the audience of old trolls who had shown up for the event. If there had been one guy in the audience under 30, I might have seen the need, but…

So, now that I've bitched up a storm about this play, I have to tell you that I did enjoy it. Chappeleaux's humor is really amusing. I laughed out loud several times at the stuff he said. Much of the play is improvised and loose and when Chappeleaux throws out a one-liner, they often stick and cause great amusement. This alone makes the performance worth seeing.

Also, if John had not taken me to a bathouse recently, I would have been far more interested in the description of the place and the etiquette such a place requires. As it was, I often found myself nodding in agreement when Chappeleaux talked about bathhouses thinking, yep, that's what I saw when I went. (My trip to the bathhouse is highlighted in an old "Notes from Austin").

And, wisely, Chappeleaux brings two really attractive young men onto the stage with him at the end who strip naked, shower on stage, and roll around on the floor. Together the trio clasp themselves in a wet embrace and rub against one and other and deliver some dialogue. One of the young men, a self-proclaimed straight boy named Chris Snedden, is really hot. Seeing him naked and wet is well worth the price of admission. Chappeleaux would be wise to keep these guys on stage longer and drop some of the other self-centered stuff in the piece.

After the show, the three actors did a Q&A and it was really easy to like Chappeleaux. He seems like a really nice guy. I hope he works a bit more on the piece and keeps improving it. There's a good extended, one-man show in there that should end with the two guys coming on stage at the bathhouse.

(I love this quote from Snedden in the program, by the way, "I am using my looks and my beauty to the best of my ability." I wish more guys understood that they are able to do that. Snedden, I must say, showed some talent as well. His line delivery and body movement fit in with Chappeleaux's performance quite well. As did the other actor, Andy Agne.)

So my friend Krissa has a party the other night on a Saturday and invites me. She told me I could invite a few people, so I took Ashton and Johnny Oh! I wanted to take Melissa, but she and her roommate Tobias were down on 4th and Colorado doing performance art and singing to try and make rent money. I got there and John had met my friend Dusty and his boyfriend at Spider House and invited them as well. I tried to invite Kevin in the Dirty City but he didn't make it. We all didn't get there until almost midnight anyway.

Anyway, to make a long story shorter, there was only about 20 or so people at the thing and it was okay but not an out-of-control party and while everyone was down on the complex grounds playing sand volleyball, the 5 of us guys were up drinking in the apartment. Since the party had been going on for a while, it was fairly trashy and Dusty, his boyfriend and Johnny started to clean up. What the fuck is that? I invite a bunch of gay guys to a party and they come, have a drink, and then start cleaning up!?! Geez, how stereotypical.

Anyway, Ashton pissed me off by saying that I make him uncomfortable by coming on to him all the time, so I avoided him for most of the night. I got really trashed and eventually this really attractive and interesting Asian boy, who I think is Krissa's neighbor came out on the balcony where I was and we talked for like 30 minutes or so (I think, anyway. It could have been 5. I was pretty trashed). Although I am sure this guy was straight, he seemed to understand that I was flirting with him and he seemed to like the attention. It didn't make HIM uncomfortable.

After I took Ashton home, I deleted his cell phone number and all of J.K.'s numbers from my cell phone. I don't have them written down or anything. I figured since I made Ashton feel weird, he didn't need to be hanging out with me. He could call me when he was feeling more fucking comfortable.

Yeah. Like I said, I was trashed.

On Monday night, Melissa and I went over to our friend Russ' pad to hang out for a while and talk him into going to the Alamo to see "Dark Side of the Rainbow.' This is where they play the video from Wizard of Oz" and play the audio of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" CD as the soundtrack.

This is a sidebar about this phenomenon, which I'm sure a lot of people have heard about: Supposedly, if you start the CD at the third roar of the MGM lion, all sorts of things synch up in the film. Now, I think all of these things are amazing coincidences. I don't think the band had any intention at all of this stuff syncing up. Still, when you're high, it can be astounding.

We went to Russ' because A) we haven't seen him in a long while and B) we were hoping he would help to mentally prepare us for the film. We were drinking and partying and having a good time. We almost arrived late.

There is this cutie boy at my day job and Melissa had stopped by and the two of us had flirted with him and told him he should come with us and stuff. Well, by the time we got to the movie, the place was packed. It was $1.00 night at the Alamo. There were 3 seats left in the front row and we snagged them. After we were there a second, someone calls me out and I turn to see who it is and it is cutie boy and his friends sitting right behind us. I had forgotten he might come and didn't even see him when we sat down. I was trashed.

They gave us a long Xeroxed program that told of all the stuff your supposed to see in the movie but I was trashed and the print was small and the lights were low, so I couldn't read it, really. The movie started and there were indeed several amazing coincidences in the thing. For one thing, the songs are almost perfectly timed to scene changes in the film. It's really crazy. I mean, when "Time" begins, Elvira Gulch appears for the first time, etc… It's really eerie how the songs change with the scene changes in the film. The most interesting and obvious of these, really, comes when the CD is played for the second time and "Breathe" is played when Dorothy and her 3 fellow travelers get to the poppy field, breathe in and fall asleep. Also, when the CD ends (with a heartbeat fading), it is when the Tin Woodsman first appears. As the CD recycles, and the heartbeat at the beginning of the CD fades up, the scene is ending, the Tin Man coming back to life.

Oh God - and how can you forget that side 2 begins, with the opening "ca-ching" of "Money" exactly when Dorothy gets to Oz and opens the door to a colorful world. Weird, weird, weird!

A lot of the stuff on the flyer, which I read later, has to do with lyrics of the songs and, to be quite honest, I am not that familiar with the lyrics to this CD. I dig Floyd but "The Wall" has always been my album. In fact, I have probably never listened to "DSOTM" all the way through from beginning to end other than while witnessing this event. Sure, I've heard all the songs before on rock radio, but never heard the CD played all the way through. Anyway, there are two remarkable lyric coincidences in my mind. On the first playing of the CD, during "Us and Them," the lyrics go… "Black (echoes) and blue (echoes)." When "black" is sung, the wicked witch appears for the first time. She is wearing all black. When they sing "blue," the camera turns to Dorothy, who is wearing a blue dress throughout the film.

Later, when the CD is playing for the third time, it is near the end of the film, when Waters sings, "Home, home again…" Dorothy wakes up at home on the farm (in black and white again). Wow.

Anyway, the place was packed and service was pretty horrid, so my buzz kinda wore off, but the event was really awesome and I'm so glad I went. It's so cool. The Alamo does this about once a year and it is a highly recommended event that now seems to be an Austin tradition.

When we got up to leave, Cutie and his friends had already busted. I felt bad because I didn't really pay a whole lot of attention to him when we got there, because I was fried out of my gourd.

We went back to Russ' and hung out for a while and his roommate Kevin, who is one of my favorite people even though I don't get to see him very often, was there. Kevin gave me a big, hard hug, which was cool as fuck. I wish there was some way I could hang out with him and get to know him better but I'm also hot for his bod, so it would be a little hard to just want to remain friends with him if I got to know him better. He's smart as hell and cool and interesting and cute and really seems comfortable in his own skin. He and Russ are perfect roommates. When he got home, they had a 10-minute conversation about how an automatic transmission works. And Kevin announced it as a topic by saying, "Oh dude, I found out how an automatic transmission works," as if it were something they had been thinking about at some previous time.

Eventually, Russ' girlfriend Loren showed up and we hung out and talked a little while longer, all exchanging cell phone numbers, before Melissa drove me home.

The next night, we shot a new episode of Lube TV. I invited Melissa, Kevin in the Dirty City and Johnny Oh! Of course, Mark Brauner was there. I asked Melissa to call Ashton, because I knew she knew his number and she asked me if I really wanted her to call him and I said no, but she ended up calling him anyway, which I didn't know how to feel about. We taped an episode and then Johnny and Ashton came over and taped an episode with us.

I was distant to Ashton and he went and sat right at John's feet, which made me even more depressed. See, John and Ashton sat by each other at the cable access TV showcase during Cinematexas and John expressed a little interest in him to me later on. He said Ashton was "vibeing" him. I told john that if he slept with Ashton it would ruin our friendship. (I don't want to be that guy but, alas, I am that guy)! I'm just too hurt and vulnerable right now to handle something like that. Then John joked that he would sleep with him but not tell me and that was even more depressing. I told John all about this later and he was fairly cool with it. But to see Ashton just sit so naturally at his feet. It made me ill.

As I continue to say, in my mind, in my heart and out loud… I can't believe I meant absolutely nothing to J.K. But, alas, I guess that's the way it is.

Well, Johnny saw J.K. at a bar and talked to him and they talked about me and it was just horrible to hear about it. Johnny told me all kinds of stuff that I didn't want to hear and, worse yet, it was stuff that J.K. didn't even have the basic common courtesy to say to my face. Of course, I am devastated.

This, of course, fucked up my relationship with John as well because he told me J.K. was coming on to him when they talked, an idea that sickens me. But the real problem is that even John doesn't understand what J.K. doesn't understand what NO ONE SEEMS TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND. This isn't about the one incident where J.K. stood me up; it's about the fact that he didn't do anything after that to talk to me about it when he knew I was upset. Okay, he called and left a shitty voice mail and sent one shitty text message. That is not enough for me. I wouldn't accept that from a friend and I certainly don't accept it from someone with whom I am "more than friends." John's sense of "friendship" in dealing with all this and hearing me get upset and feel hurt and get depressed wasn't to commiserate with me, hug me or even simply just listen. Instead he had to do a play-by-play of my emotions as I talked to him. "Okay, now your angry. That's one of the stages of the break-up process," or whatever. Who the fuck wants a commentator on the fucking emotions you are going through? Nobody wants that. Nobody. I wanted a friend to see my side of things, not fucking a psychological Brent Mussburger.

I told John that I just couldn't see him for a while because he wasn't doing anything to help me get through this. He was just rubbing salt in the huge, gaping wound that is my heart.

Hey, at least now that I'm upset with Johnny, he can fuck J.K. AND Ashton guilt free!

Well, "Spider-Man" surprised everyone by beating "Star Wars 2" as the highest-grossing movie of Summer 2002. Even I didn't call that one.

As of 8/18, the end of summer in Austin, the top ten grossing films, all of them still in circulation, were as follows

1. Spider-Man - 404 mill

2. Star Wars - 299

3. Men in Black 2 - 189

4. Austin Powers in Goldmember - 184

5. Scooby-Doo - 151

6. Signs - 150 (the only one that's probably posted significant gains in the last month)

7. Lilo and Stitch - 139

8. Minority Report - 129

9. Mr. Deeds - 124

10. Sum of all Fears - 118

There's a new movie with Jack Nicholson and Kathy Bates coming out called "About Schmidt." Now, I saw the trailer the other day on "The Banger Sisters" and the movie looked only so-so. Nicholson looks old and bloated and really cruddy. But the worst part of this trailer is that they use the score music from "American Beauty." Why the fuck would they do that? That is the stupidest, most irresponsible, most reprehensible thing I can possibly imagine. That score is classic and instantly recognizable. People in freaking Peoria are even going, "Why the fuck are they using the score from 'American Beauty' on this movie's trailer?" Dumbass marketing morons. Learn how to sell a movie you corrupt, capitalist imbeciles!

J.K. sent me the stupidest e-mail I could possible imagine, the basic gist of which was, "I thought you knew we were just friends." He must think I'm an idiot. You know, it's one thing to be lead-on and used and treated like dirt and shat upon, but to be told that I'm stupid as well really pisses me off. I don't think I'll ever have closure on this whole stupid mess until I see him in the flesh and tell him to fuck off!

You know, I was done. I was done. I was done with sex. I was done with love. I was perfectly contented and happy to sit in my little one-window room in front of my computer and jerk off to webcams. I was a happy li'l guy who went to movies and went out and had a few friends and enjoyed life. And this asshole had to come into my life and open me up to pain and hurt and rejection and despair again. I'll never forgive him for that.

Hey dumbass - friends don't fuck. Friends don't bring friends flowers on Valentine's Day. Friends don't make out with you in your front driveway when they drop you off. Friends don't let you take naked pictures of them. But, most importantly, friends don't let friends fall in love with them. I feel sorry for the next poor unsuspecting slob who takes an interest in you. Maybe there's a reason all of your other friends are people you've met on the Internet. You don't know what it means to be a friend. You don't have the vaguest idea. I almost feel sorry for you. Almost.

(I'm sorry. I know that's a lot of angry rambling, but I had to get it out. I feel better, anyway.)

Went out to 6th Street on a Saturday night to check out Hobble at 710. They were playing with Honky, which is not one of my favorite bands, so I figured I wouldn't stay there the whole night. I knew I might go out to the Boyz Cellar afterwards. I don't know if I was hoping I'd run into J.K. or not.

Said "Hi" to Oriah and Mike before they played and found out they are still in the studio working on the new CD. I'm glad they're taking their time with this one. The new stuff Oriah played for me a couple months ago, when they first went in the studio, was kick ass and the best recorded versions of their songs I've ever heard. Their last album, "Blackmassking," was a little to sterile and hard edged to adequately reflect what you get at a live Hobble show. This newer stuff was kick ass and more loose and "live" sounding. It had really good energy and really snappy sound, so I'm hoping the new CD will convey this as well.

The band kicked ass live, as always, with many new songs on the playlist. "Sally" was probably the highlight of the new stuff. I was trying to get another beer when they did "Love Slut" and missed most of it, that kind of pissed me off. They did very few old faves but "Suicidal Blunder" was on the list. It rocked. "Cowboy Song," one of the oldest new songs, was also performed as flawless as ever. I still felt wanting though when "Backward DJ" and "8-Track Tape Player" were not on the evening's itinerary. A Hobble show just needs to be about 70 or 80 minutes. 45 minutes shows are not cutting it for me any more.

There were lots of Hobble fans in the place including many I see at every show. There's some little longhaired guy that's at every show that looks like Rory Cochran in "Dazed and Confused." (Oriah told me that the guy even writes them fan letters). The little kid who got a Mohawk in the band's video for "Little Secret" was also there with his parents. Oriah still needs to come show that vid on Lube TV! Several Hobble fans came up to tell me they liked Lube TV, which was cool.

I also saw local filmmaker Bob Ray at the gig. I bet he was there to see Honky more than anything. Bob is working on a documentary about this group of local girls who are trying to get a all-girl roller derby type thing off the ground here in town. At least, that's what he says it is. Knowing Bob it could all be a concoction of his own wicked imagination!

We talked about having him come on to the cable access show and play some of his old 8mm Cinemaker films and stuff, so maybe he'll do that soon. That would be cool. Bob (and his pal, "Rock Opera" star Jerry Don Clark) have always been cool to me and quite nice so it was a treat to see him at the show. Oh, and Bob also told me he is still working with SXSW on their music video showcase during the festival, so that's cool. The video showcase at 2002 had some problems but I imagine working with SXSW can be quite problematic.

Anyway, after a short intermission, Sniffy took the stage. Gene, who plays drums for Hobble and several other bands, also plays with Sniffy. Apparently the guy from Sniffy was at one time in Voltage. They played one of the most kick-ass shows I've ever seen at the "Rock Opera" premiere at the Alamo Drafthouse. I remember very distinctly that their drummer (not Gene) played so hard that he puked. That was so cool.

Sniffy is a 3-piece unit with a hottie female bassist who shares vocal duties with the Voltage guy. They were kinda retro pop punk sounding. I liked them okay, nothing special though.

Oh yeah - and Hobble will be playing the 710 again on October 11th - that's the Friday night during the Austin Film Festival. Don't know if I'll be able to make it.

I've been hanging out a lot with Melissa lately and it is really nice to have a friend who just wants to spend time with me. We have seen some movies and watched some DVD's and just chilled and enjoyed each other's company. That's really nice.

Melissa's 16-year-old boy toy dumped her, I'm sorry to say, so we've been able to commiserate about how shitty guys are too. That's been nice.

Oh, and Ashton did call me on his own. We hung out and talked and had a really good time. I programmed his number back into my cell. He's a cool and intelligent and interested and cute guy and I like spending time with him. So there it is… He even came over the other night and just hung out at the house and watched DVD's with me. We watched "super Troopers" and Christopher Nolan's "Following." It was awesome.

Another day shot and in the can,

Lodger2002

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