#20

Sundance/SlamDance/NoDance Film Festivals

"The Iron Giant"

Miss Xanna Don't at Gabby and Mo's

"Rock Opera" CD release party at Red Eyed Fly

"Dinosaurs"

Tim and I cross "The Line"

"The Green Mile"

Cinemaker Co-op "Tiny Prophecies"

Xmas lists

Last New Year's Eve

Rich and "Deliverence" from a nightmare

"Pulp Jedi"

A prayer for the new millennium

Video and DVD "Trick"

Casino el Camino

Bing & Bowie

Well - here's the scoop. Filethirteen is going to Park City Utah in January for SlamDance Film Festival. This is the Fest that happens at the same time as Sundance, but is, I hope, a bit more underground. I will be checking out some websites and info and gathering facts as to what the trip will entail. I will, of course, keep everyone updated with every little intimate detail of what is going to happen as time progresses... so watch your e-mails and monitors and "this space" for more news soon. In addition to myself, several other filethirteen scenesters will be going with me. We'll all be sharing a condo for 5 days, so it will be kinda like "The Real World" except there will be at least one gay guy in the mix... Oh wait a minute... That is "The Real World." Okay, one bitchy old gay guy. Eat that MTV! More news soon...

Just saw the commercial for the video and DVD release of "The Iron Giant." Boy, did they ever boff this one up. It looks like a cereal advert. Or a spot for rollerblades. What is it about Warner Brothers that they can't figure out how to market this film? It's a great film and nothing has seemed to work for them. I think they should give up the kids demo and market it to the intelligensia. No - it's too good for kids not to see it. They need those testimonials from kids coming out of the theater who have seen the film... "Oh mi Gosh, it was great... there was this giant and he fell to Earth and..." says enthusiastic little 7 yr old Jimmy... Something! One day this film will be recognized as the classic it is.

How could the Alamo have a High Times Film Fest and not show "Dazed and Confused?" Or "Rock Opera?"

Thursday night: Went to I (heart) video and rented Bruce LaBruce's "Hustler White" and a video with a bunch of 70's gay porn loops from a series called "Erotica from the Past." About 30 minutes into the thing, I realise: There is a definate line between "porn" and "erotica." These things should be called "Boring Porno Your Dad Hated Too" or something... Not even interesting as cinema, let alone porn.

Friday night, went to Gaby and Mo's, a sort of lesbian eatery and semi-beer bar on Manor and watched Xanna perform. She just had two guys playing acoustic guitars while she sang. As always, her voice was flawless, but her band still leaves a lot to be desired. Some of my favorite Xanna songs: "Commons at Noon," "Last Night We Didn't Make Love, We Made History," "Janet Reno Song," and her covers of the Stones' "Dead Flowers" and Cher's "Cowboy's Work is Never Done."

Gaby and Mo's was full of some of the cutest lesbians in Austin. There was one little chick that was so cute and so tough, I almost couldn't take it. I think it says a lot about my personality that the only females I ever desire are the ones I have absolutely no shot with.

Afterwards, went over to Rich and Kelly's. Was supposed to meet Tim there but when I got there, no one was home. Didn't know if they just stepped out or were gone to a movie or what, so I left a note and went home and watched LaBruce's "Hustler White." All in all a rather drab nite.

Saturday, I worked all day, came home and took a nap, and then went to Red Eyed Fly for the "Rock Opera" CD release party. It was kinda slow at first and took a while to get going, but eventually, Titz took the stage. Even though their guitarist was a little wuss who couldn't hadle the pressure when one of his strings popped, the band kicked ass. They are like an homage punk rock band to The New York Dolls and the Dead Boys. The offer up the best of the punk rock glam aesthetic. I really liked them.

Imagine if your dad had a band that was like Devo without keyboards. That's Pocket FishRMen. They were awesome too. And then Voltage took the stage and gave one of the most all-out, full tilt, rock shows I have ever experienced. It fucking rocked. Their drummer, whatever the fuck his name is, puked after about the 3rd song, as usual. This is great. I have never seen a band rock so hard. I love these guys. I'm sucking dick backstage next time! I swear to God! My head was killing me, my ears were ringing and I was drenched in beer from the turbulant mosh pit. And I was in heaven. It was great!

After that, a band called Honky took the stage but there was no way they could compete. I was down to my last $8 so I bought the "Rock Opera" Soundtrack CD (23 fucking songs!) and headed home. My head still pounding.

My favorite songs from the "Rock Opera" CD include the 2 tunes by the Fuckemos. The opening track by the Pocket FishRMen, The Titz, Voltage, and, my favorite, is "Flying in the Green" by El Insecto. Pigpoke's song sounds a bit like it was inspired by the Surf Punks. El Insecto sound a bit like the Crash Test Dummies. Witchbanger is pretty good. There's even a track by Nashville Pussy (seemingly slightly ripped off of Iggy Pop's "I Snub You") and the Butthole Surfers. There's a bit of filler crap on there but for the most part it's high energy rocking terror on disc. It's definately worth the price. I can't wait to see these bands live again. The Titz, Pocket FishRMen, Fuckemos, and of course, Voltage have all put on great live shows in conjunction with the film. And I'll say it again: Thanks Bob for introducing me to a whole lot of great Austin music!

Found out that the "Dinosaurs" animation film from Disney due in May 2000 will have celebrity voices. Yuck. That just ruins the whole damn thing. What a gyp! Too bad you can't sue them for false advertising. The 5 minutes "preview" on "Toy Story 2" makes it look like it will be an awesome film without dialogue. Is there any reason the dinosaurs have to talk? You know, we had movies for 30 years or so without dialogue. It's not exactly a "high concept." When will Hollywood give the average people some credit for having a brain? Arghh.

Sunday, Tim came over and we tried to make another short film on video. We ended up making a 10 minute boring thing called "The Line." But, at least, it was fun and interesting to make. If nothing else, we worked on our film skills. I wouldn't make anyone sit through the finished product though. Tim is a great friend but we are obviously two different people on two different wavelengths. It's cool though. Sometimes we mesh and sometimes we're like oil and blood. What can ya do?

Ah, but here's the real crux of the matter. Unexpunged and just out there. We were filming a scene in my little cramped kitchen and Tim had his back to me and I, just without even really thinking about it, grabbed him around the waist for a second. Now, Tim didn't freak, but he jumped. I think it surprised him. But I could also tell he was totally uncomfortable. I don't know why I did it. Well, yeah, I guess I do. I just wanted a chance to feel close to him. Tim and I get along great, but often our relationship seems purely superficial. We don't have long, deep, discussions about feelings and stuff. Only twice, that I can remember, has he ever began confiding in me on an emotional level. Meanwhile, of course, I tell everyone exactly what I am thinking and feeling 24 hours a day. (Can you say website). I'm like this in person too. There is certainly no mystery or enigma called Lodger. What I say is what I am. Anyway, Tim wasn't uncool about it but it was the minute way he reacted that made me realize the futility of all the emotions and feelings I have heaped on him in my tender little mind. It's amazing what one tiny little crystalized moment can do for your brian. I have been up obsessing about it all morning. Meanwhile, Tim probably doesn't even remember it. Or, at the very least, of course, is not concerned with it. One day I will learn how to make frustration a marketable skill and I will be reaping in the rewards like a mofo... I am the king of sexual frustration, tedium, unrequited feelings, and emotional longing!

"The Green Mile" is 3 hours and 2 minutes long. I believe that is the longest new release of a mainstream movie since, well, Tom Hank's last flick, "Saving Private Ryan."

I got the Eurythmic's first CD, well, the first popular one, "Sweet Dreams," the other day at Cheapos. I wrote this on the back in black magic marker:

fasten your eyes to the shy sly surprise orphaned offspring of the accustomed adult flying our fathers with financial catapult

sit + sulk - silk shirt sleeve - split arms charms alarms

Someone in my apartment complex has a "picket sign" on their upstairs patio that reads: "W.T.O. Unelected Unacountable Totalitarians." As I'm sure John Waters has said somewhere, sometime, polictical activists are so unsexy.

Monday night, I went to the Cinemaker Co-op's "Tiny Prophecies" at the Ritz Lounge upstairs. I overheard some folks talking about "Man of the Century," a silly looking indie film about a guy in modern New York who acts like one of those fast talkers from an old 30's movie. His character's name is, sadly enough, Johnny Twenties. I have no desire to see it. The guy who was talking about it said he liked it but said, "the premise was the whole film." He also called it "charming," "overrated" and "gimmicky." Seems kinda like what I expected. I have no real desire to see it.

Tuesday, Rich called and wants to get together this weekend. That's cool. He's 21 now, so we can go out partying.

I tell you. When you have a dream and you count on other people, all you get is frustration. I am not sure I will ever get over my entire disappointment and frustration with the human race as a whole, and as individuals. I think I am way too demanding and expect way too much from people. But I never expect more than I am willing to give myself. Is it too much to ask that people be on time and at the place that they said they were going to be at. Perhaps I am too much of a "woman" when it comes to this kind of thing. I can be a "play it by ear" kinda guy, I really can. But when something important to me is happening and someone else is supposed to assist me, and they flake off, it pisses me right the fuck off. I don't think I do that to other people. Do I? If I say I'm going to be somewhere, I am. I don't call a bit before hand and say I'm not coming using some lame excuse. It's irritating. Perhaps I'm just a little Hitler. I don't know. A little Otto Preminger. But people sometimes make me not ashamed to be a misanthrope.

Here's a couple lists I put together last year:

Top 5 Christmas Movies/Special

1. A Christmas Carol (aka "Scrooge") (1951)

2. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

3. A House without a Christmas Tree (TV Special)

4. A Christmas Story (1983)

5. The Grinch who Stole Christmas (TV Special)

Top 5 Xmas songs

1. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Pretenders

2. Do You Hear What I Hear? - Bing Crosby

3. The Ballad of the Christmas Donkey - Ed Aames

4. Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby and David Bowie

5. Santa's Stuck in the Elevator - Caroler Singers

Here's what I did last New Year's Eve. I don't think it can get any better than this. (Written 1/1/99):

I had a blast last night - went to Evolution (in Galveston) and hung out with my crowd there and got really fucked up - the highlight of my night was spilling champagne on the crotch of a 17 year hispanic cutie named Jou Jou - he was awesome! - right before 12 midnight - too cool!

Even little straight boys will give you hugs when the new years bells start ringing and the champagne starts flowing!

My friend Dana, a chick - brought her boyfriend there - I'd never met him before and he was a reall nice guy - and a cutie. Dana had me laughing my ass off saying "are you a cocksucker?" with a very British accent. It sounded so hilarious. Then she needed a light and I didnt have one so she said (with that porper british accent) "Stand still and radiate homosexuality so I can light my cigarette off your flame!" Damn, I laughed so hard my sides ached!

Jaime, my favorite drag queen and an awesome black bitch on wheels, didn't get there til after midnight but she was rocking and kicking ass so I forgave her.

After new years, I was pretty fucked up and some odd but cute looking Asian? guy with glasses with yellow lenses started telling me how he wasnt gay - I'm not sure what brought that up - but then I was dancing and he danced next to me. I wish I hadn't been so fucked up by then.

So many of the kids there are awesome! There are so many drag queens and so many blacks and Asians that I sometimes feel I'm in some sort of underground Anime come to life! I love it! The other Jesse, the bartender, a little Anime Asian god, dances so weird but it is stylin! It's like he's going to fall at any minute - like Laurie Andserson on acid with a beat - your dancing and your falling - and you don't even realize it - with each step your falling and then catching yourself from falling and this is how you can be dancing and falling at the same time...

Jesse the doorman has made Evo's my club! I hang out at the door a lot and have gotten to know most of his friends and all the little straight boys that work at the bar! It's awesome. Jesse rocks. I finally got to tell him so in my drunken stuper last night! (Sort of the opposite of "you dont know me").

I went to IHOP with some friends after that and had a blast! Jaime, Jesse the door guy, Mark (or Martin) a cute little black club kid who wears those freaky cat's eyes contact lenses - Mandy, a big wanna be dyke whose wanna be bisexual boyfriend is in Carolina for the holidays, Patrick (an older queen than me!) all went. Our waiter put up with our BS and was real nice. For some reason I wanted a cheeseburger and pancakes - so he got that for me - it was great! Mark eats pancakes with cool whip and honey! weird! Over all a rocking new years! a blast!

It was craaaa-zy! I got home at 6am - having been up 23 1/2 hours!

Saw a preview for "Mission Impossible 2." It is going to be nothing like the original. This one's directed by John Woo. The preview is all golden and has those killer computer rotoscope effects plus it emphasizes lots of Woo-esque action. and, I think, Tom Cruise is the only guy in the thing. The preview, I mean. Anyway it looks awesome. Can't wait.

I really can't believe my rather new friend Rich actually tolerates me. The past few times I have seen him, I've really been in a bad mood. I don't know. I find it difficult to mesh with other people yet I like Rich a lot. Perhaps it has been so sucky lately because he has been introducing me to his friends and they are not really all that interesting to me.

Also, until I moved to Austin 5 months ago, I have lived in the same small town and had the same circle of friends for several years. I haven't had to totally make new friends in quite some time and I am severely out of practice. I guess sometimes I show people my "worst" face possible at first to see if they can take me. If they can't, they aren't really going to be able to be much of a friend to me. If your friends can't stand you when you are at your worst, how can they truly be your friends? I expect a hell of a lot from my friends. Yes, there is a test, "proof" of their friendship skills that must be passed. Perhaps it is wrong to expect so much from people so soon, but it also saves a lot of time and energy. When you meet people who are worth it, like Rich and Kelly, they prove themselves pretty quickly. Our friendship is still new and somewhat rocky but it seems to have all the earmarks of a lasting friendship and that makes me very happy. But then, of course, there are tests of friendship that I do not pass. Such as being able to tolerate my friend's friends. In this area, I'm pretty lacking sometimes.

Tonight, Thursday, we went to see "Deliverence" at the Alamo midnight show. Rich told me his friend Paige wanted to come along. This was fine. Paige invited her friend David, which was fine too.

I got to Rich and Kelly's a bit early and Kelly was just getting home. He invited me in and read me a couple things he has written. They were quite good and only needed a little bit of work. With maturity, Kelly will blossom into something great. Time is his friend and enemy now. I see him teetering on the edge and I wish I could step in and grab him and show him the light. But it is an internal struggle he must overcome. He has all the personality and intelligence and sociological skills necessary to do this and watching him walk this path will, perhaps, be one of the greatest events in my lifetime. Anyway, after a few minutes, Rich showed up and then Paige and then we were off. Kelly stayed at home to rehearse a monologue of some sort. We picked up David on the way. He was a nice, cute, scrawny kid who was kinda quiet. It was hard to get a word in edgewise though with me and Rich talking about film and me and Paige picking at each other.

We got to the Alamo way early and Paige wanted to go get something to eat. Why? The fucking Alamo has a full kitchen and it's not that expensive! So, anyway, out we go into the fucking dry cold and I have no jacket. We walk/run for endless blocks until we are down on 6th. I can't take it anymore, so I turn back. Not only were they walking miles for something we could have got right there at the Alamo, but it was cold, I have a cold and felt dizzy, and I had no jacket on. And my feet started killing me cause they were walking like there was no tomorrow. It was infuriating. But, I wasn't mad. I just decided to turn back. I am Ned Beatty.

I got back to the Alamo and Karrie, who owns the place with her husband Tim, said Hi. We talked for 10 minutes or so. She's really a nice person. We talked about films coming out, the holidays, the Coen Brothers, Jackie Chan and Jet Li among other topics. It was cool to spend a few minutes chatting with her. She's always such a gracious host.

Rich and Paige and David showed back up and we went in. They had sat in the very back row which, of course, I hate. But I sat there like a good little soldier without complaint and had to suffer through the loud stupid "frat boys" and their bitches next to us talking all through the damn movie. It was fucking annoying. I ordered a pizza and a Hard Core Cider. My usual. The films began with a really, really, horribly stupid student amatuer piece of shit called "Pulp Jedi" which mixed "Pulp Fiction" and (ugh - God no... please... help me...) "Star Wars." It was horrid. The very worst kind of stupid, insipid, spoof that one could imagine. It made my skin crawl. Worse yet, after suffering through it, the short hinted that it is a trailer for a feature film. Kill me now. The moron who made this, who was sitting in Harry Knowles little clique, will probably get a 3 picture deal or something.

After this, Tim Burton's "Vincent" was shown and then the feature. "Deliverence" is one of the greatest 70s' films ever made. Of course, Paige, who asked some pretty inane question during the movie, didn't get it. I put much of the blame for this on her gender. And her youth. As a young urban woman, it's probably all pretty much out of her grasp anyway. I'm not sure anyone under 30 can understand the film from the context in which it was made. Yes, I suppose there is some obvious symbolism in the thing, but it is also tied into the story/plot so beautifully. When the scene comes where Jon Voight sees them excavating coffins out of the ground, not only does it tie in with the film's plot about a dam being built to form a lake (and in effect drown this old hillbilly town and lifestyle and our past lives as, basically, human animals) and also the idea that "nothing stays buried, especially a secret," but it also comments on the whole fucking point of the movie, namely, the urbanization of modern man which has rendered him useless and weak. Of course, the film also says that perhaps progress and "modernization" of human existence is not such a bad thing after all. Is this "new man" really weak or simply civilized? With progress comes civilization which, in effect, demands that we act civil to one and other. We don't rape and kill each other. In order to live in a civilization where all our allowed to co-exist in modern urban harmony, we (namely men) must shed our "manhood" and subjugate our hunter/gatherer instincts. This all seemed to go over my trio of young friend's head. Well, except maybe Rich. I think he was able glean some of it. It's a very 70's film and ideal.

Paige drove us home, in her sparkling new urban 4X4 crackerbox-on-wheels vehicle which bounced continually and actually made me carsick, without saying much of anything. Guess I'm too much of a "Cunt" for her to like. Oh well. C'est la Vie. I definately wasn't put here on the planet for women to like.

Anyway, if all of this didn't ruin my chance to be friends with her, writing it all down surely will. At least Rich still likes me, I think. (Does anyone else see the obvious conection between the movie we saw and the night we had?) We were testing each other to see if we could actually co-exist in harmony and act civilized to one and other. We failed. Myself, perhaps, more than any of us. In this modern age of machines and cohabitation and urban dwellings and extensive leisure, the community waterhole still exists; Iy's just that we are able to move it to almost anywhere we like. Conflicts and fighting still break out. We are still territorial and closed. More than ever, in our modern community, we find it easy to snipe at one and other, turn our backs on one and other, and not make an effort to know one and other. I have made a specific effort not to know any of my neighbors here at the complex where I lived. I have succeeded admirably. We have elevated our selves to "self" and require much of those who want to be with us. We refuse to bend. We refuse to give. We all become kings. And queens. And only, occassionally, break down our self-imposed barriers and let others see our true selves, our true hearts and minds, our true beauty. Is it possible to overcome this? Can we, as society, change? I may shout "kick down the goddamn doors" at the top of my lungs, but actually, I am the first one to lock and bar the doors when the weather looks bad. When trouble looms. When there are black clouds. And no, as much as I wish it were not true, I don't think I can ever... ever... change.

Happy New Year. Happy New Millennium. There is no God so he can not help us. We can only help ourselves. There is no life, only the dream of life. We must become new dreamers. Perhaps I am too old, too set in my ways to change. Perhaps not. Perhaps not.

Watched "Mr. Holland's Opus" on network TV last night and even with the consistent commercial interuptions, it's still a beutiful and marvellous film. I remember the first time I saw it at the theater. My shirt sleeves were drenched with tears, sopping wet, by the time the film was over. Last night was no exception either. I cried like a baby. Even the commercial for "erectile dysfunction" could not quell my tears. Sure, the film is kinda hookey and syrupy. So what! It's a beautiful story. A true loveletter to those who give their lives to help others. I love it even more now. It's a rare gem.

"Trick," one of the best gay films of 99 moves to video and DVD on 2/8/2000.

I was just realizing that "Fantasia 2000" will be the first film release in the new millenium. As far as I know, it's the only film with a release date of 1/1/2000. Mainly on IMAX.

From Bob Ray, director of "Rock Opera:"

The San Francisco Indie Fest (http://www.sirius.com/~jtpasty/) loves the film so much that they gave Rock Opera a second screening. Rock Opera will show on Saturday, January 8th at 5:30 PM at the Lumiere Theater and again at the Lumiere on Monday, January 10th at 5:15 PM.

Monday night I went to Casino el Camino. Met Rich and Xanna, Ann and Anna-Mari there. Introductions all around. Casino wasn't DJing. He apparently hurt himself playing with the Son of Hercules on Saturday night, a show I can't believe I missed. so, he wasn't around. Rich and I talked films for 3 hours so it probably seemed like I was ignoring the girls. Rich and I just click and we talk for hours. I love it, of course. Wiley came in and was hanging with a group of his friends. One of the guys from the Titz was there too. I wanted to go up and tell him how much I dug the gig at the Rock Opera party but kinda lost site of him. Rich, who just turned 21, was a little toasty at closing time, so I drove him over to my place and we talked about movies and life and junk for 3 more hours. It was great. His friendship is meaning a great deal to me as of late. I don't know what I'm going to do next week when he and Kelly and Tim are all in Houston for a week. I promised Rich I would rent and watch "The Sweet Hereafter," so I guess I better do that.

There was a article I saw the other day in "Entertainment Weekly" (thanks Jason!) that said that there was some old unaired footage of Bowie and Bing Crosby together. Almost everyone has heard Bing & Bowie's duet of "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy." This comes from Bing's last Xmas special before he died in 1977. Also on that special, and seldom seen, is Bowie, introduced by Bing, singing "Heroes." I don't know if you can imagine the outright weirdness of all of this in 1977. It would kinda be like Barbra Striesand doing a duet with NIN or something. Anyway, Bowie apparently has hinted that there is some unaired footage somewhere of Bing helping him with a duet of "Scary Monsters." Now this is just hard to believe. After all, the special aired in 1977 and the "Scary Monsters" album did not come out until 1981. Still, many songwriters work on songs for years before they make an album. Anway. The thing is. What I really mean... is WOW. This is like a heartstopper for a Bowie fan. What an awesome thing to see.