First things first, Houston Worldfest is an unorganized, ridiculous, amateur mess. They have been doing this festival for 30+ years and it's still a one-man operation. Hunter Todd, the director, may be a nice guy and may know a good film when he sees one, but he needs help. Lots of it. Our day began searching for press passes that never materialized. We were told they would either be at the host hotel, the Red Lion, or at the theater, the newly opened Meyerland Plaza. There were at neither place. Thank goodness for my friend Vassily Fedayev, a Houston filmmaker who I met through John Christensen. Vassily hooked me up with a ticket to the first film, "Jericho." He paid the same courtesy to my friend Web, the real mastermind behind filethirteen.

The opening of Worldfest was a cheesy affair marred by incomprehensible culture clashes and downright God-awful entertainment. In addition to having Chick-fil-A cater the opening, Worldfest allowed the restaurant chain to bring a car with cow spots painted on it and a person in a cow suit, this in an attempt to hype their latest marketing ploy, that being something like "save a cow, eat chicken." One little girl in the crowd got the most precious giggles after asking the suited mascot; "Do you have Mad Cow's Disease?" That was cute But the true atrocity of the opening night procedures was the use of a Mariachi band to entertain. How 80's. Apparently, this band is used to open the festival every year. It was no accident also that the opening film was a Western (filmed in Texas) and this allowed several "cowboys," in full costume, to hang around the outside of the theater as we all waited to get in. Why is it that some people in Texas insist on making the state seem like a giant full-time rodeo? I was surprised that there wasn't a huge Confederate flag hanging from the theater. Hey, how 'bout we brand some cattle in front of the theater next year?

Worse yet was the second musical event of the proceedings, a full-blown Scottish bagpipe ensemble. Why God why? If the yee-haw yokelism of the Southern theme wasn't offensive enough, why try to promote "internationalism" with the atrocity that is bagpipe music? Couldn't we just kill some cats instead?

I know, you would think that an opening ceremony that features man in skirts squeezing bags would be right up my alley. Wrong. There is nothing, NOTHING, more irritating and mind-numbing than bagpipes. I suppose this eradicated all brain activity so that we wouldn't be too judgmental about the opening films. But more about that later.

First, a word or two about the Meyerland Plaza: It's an 8 screen facility located on the busy 610 loop in Houston that recently re-opened to show art films and indie product. It's a beautiful old General Cinema with a dark interior and a centralized concession stand. I hope this theater does well because it's an awesome addition to the Houston film scene.

Before the films, we also hooked up with my pal Jarrette who writes for Geurilla-films.com (the South American revolutionaries of on-line film reviews?). Jarrette is a really nice guy whose always interesting to talk to even if he is hooked on that "I'm an insider with hook-ups" mentality. Of course, he is sort-of an insider with hook-ups. More than me anyway.

Once we were inside, the screening was introduced by Todd who droned on and on about noting and proved the festival to be a disorganized mess by introducing people who were still in the lobby and not even ready to greet the crowd. Of course all of this was lost on the befuddled audience who were in a state of incoherent catatonia after having the Goddamn bagpipe players paraded through the theater at full volume prior to the opening announcements. THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

Todd also introduced the opening short film, "The Wedding," a repetitious and one-note 5 minute video segment. "The Wedding" hinges upon the idea of a musical dance number about a Flamenco dancer who marries a Hip-hop hoofer. This might have been interesting and creative in 1982, but in 2001 it seemed like one of the most silly and boring things imaginable. The music, an Omar something-or-the-other jazz song repeated tirelessly, began to make me long for the bagpipe music. The film was nothing but a single idea played out as a dance number that was neither innovative, interesting nor aesthetically pleasing. Of course, it would be impossible to be aesthetically pleasing given that the video's aspect ratio was totally out-of-whack due to the fact that it was a square TV image project on a letterbox type theater screen. The dancers seemed, like, 4 foot tall. For a second I thought I was watching Gary Coleman starring in the Ben Vereen story.

The "Jericho" screening was so packed that the festival decided to "interlock" the projectors and show it in several houses. To interlock, a single film is spooled from a feed platter, then threaded through one projector and then another before being wound-up on a take-up platter. Then both projectors are started at the same time and, in effect, the same film is shown in two (or more) theaters at once. This is a necessary evil in the modern world of multiplexes. It is a technical process that requires a skilled projectionist staff. Apparently, the Meyerland did not have one available, because the threading through one of the theater's projectors caused the sound to be out of alignment and, well, shitty, with bumps and rumbles and thwacks throughout the running. This was, of course, the theater in which we were seated.

The Q and A after the film, which was hyped repeatedly by "Jericho's" director Merlin Miller, found several people involved with the film coming up front to answer questions. The most well-known of these was R.Lee Eremy, forever type-cast as the Drill Sergeant hard-ass in "Full Metal Jacket." But his star was easily obliterated by Leon Coffee, a outgoing and vibrant personality who played a freed slave in the film. Coffee is a "rodeo clown" by trade tapped to play a lead in the film. He is an awesome talent and quite a hoot!

Miller, meanwhile, showed that he apparently knows almost nothing about distribution of films because he hopes that a distributor will pick up his movie and release it by this fall. That almost never happens anymore, with even the mini-majors taking almost a year or more to get a film into limited release. And, alas, "Jericho" will probably never get picked up, it's a bit too amateur and sloppy. It may pop up on TNT or something one day.

The second film was a so-called "Showtime Original," which is being distributed theatrically worldwide but only appearing on the cable outlet in the states. "Varian's War" is an awesome film about WWII that sheds light on a subject we have heard much about but which hasn't been covered much cinematically with the exception of "Schindler's List." That is, the underground which help Jews and other undesirables flee from occupied Europe. Showtime would be wise to release this amazing film into art-houses after its cable run. It's that good.

After the screenings, we stopped by the Red Lion for the after-party. A lot of the folks from "Jericho" were still there including country singer wannabee Mark Collie who was performing for the crowd of about 20. It was a little scary. Vassily went off in search of the director of "Varian's War" to bitch about an end-credit which (he felt) minimized the plight of those other than Jews during the war. Being Russian, Vassily knows much more about this than I, a somewhat average American. Meanwhile, Web, Jarrette and myself watched Eremy from afar and tried to work up the nerve to approach him for an autograph on a poster. Web wanted him to write "drop and give me 20" on one for me. I was too much of a puss to pursue it and Jarrette was basically a fanboy hung-up on Eremy's Kubrickian fame. We, instead, huddled in the corner and made gay jokes about "Jericho." Hey, I had fun.

There may be a day two if we can locate our press passes.

Lodger2001 @ Worldfest Houston 2001

April 20th

April 21st

April 22nd

Worldfest Films