I didn't drag my ass out of bed until a little after noon and I knew I wanted to get to the Dobie by 1 for a screening of a local film called "Fall to Grace." My friend Ben Kobbs had worked on the crew of the film with his friend cinematographer Jay P. Lipa. Lipa's work is always beautiful and I was really hoping that the film would be good as well. I got dressed and didn't really have time to eat. I thought maybe I could grab a bite at the Dobie food court before the movie. But traffic was horrible and it took forever to get downtown. I called Ben to see if he was going to the screening but he told me that there would probably be a "cast and crew" screening in the future, so he wasn't going to see it today. I was hoping he was there and could tell me if I needed to hurry.

Some people sat down right beside me, even though there was plenty of room elsewhere but this is common during film festivals, so I didn't sweat it. I decided I had time to go get something at the snack bar and was in no danger of losing my seat, so I went out and bought some Raisinettes. I went back and had time to contemplate the architecture of the Egyptian themed room (theater #2) at the Dobie. It has really odd angled seats and a big column right in the center of the walkway down to the front. There's not a single seat that directly faces the screen. I thought, you know, this is the perfect theater screening room for The Communist Party. Every seat is the same: BAD! But truly, the most awesome thing about this screening room is that you learn about the magic of cinema. Even in this ridiculous and obtuse space that would make M.C. Escher go, "What the fuck!" there lies the possibility of becoming entranced in a film. The first time I was in Austin in 1998, I saw "Pi" on a Saturday night with a full house in this space. No one said a word. We were all drawn into the magic of that film. We were all blown away. It didn't matter how the seats were arranged or how obtuse the angels were. This is the best screening room in the world because, even when you are stuck in it with a full crowd and you have to crane your neck to see the screen, if the film is good, you forget all about that stuff and still get sucked in.

Around 1:15, a guy in a SXSW shirt who, of course, did not introduce himself, got up and meekly introduced the film. He explained the balloting system and told us there would be a Q&A after the film. The SXSW trailer played and it was the one with Jeff Goldblum. I decided I wouldn't bother mentioning these again unless something interesting happened with them.

After the film, Mari Marchbanks, the director, got up and did a short Q&A. She introduced some of the cast and had them stand up. The guy who played Christopher, the cute teenage Russian immigrant, had grown his hair out long and kinky curly and looked cute as hell. As I got up to leave, I realized the guy sitting next to me was the star of the movie, who played the father of the immigrant family.

He wore tight black jeans and a black, sleeveless t- shirt. His face was round, soft, almost feminine. He seemed to have natural beauty that made him look like he was wearing the faintest black eyeliner and the faintest rose colored lipstick. He was demure, graceful, calm and gorgeous. And what made his beauty even more apparent was the juxtaposition of him with his cute but typical and average male friends. You didn't expect this guy to be with these two other guys yet the were natural and easy-going with one and other and obviously friends. It was awesome. I tried not to stare but I couldn't keep my eyes off this guy. He was simply beautiful.

I had to go to the Arbor, so I glanced at the gorgeous rocker girl/boy once more, then got in my car (a white Chevy that I have dubbed the Spermwhale) and headed down Braker Street to the Arbor. There was a small crowd inside and I heard someone call my name. I turned around and there was Paul Nichols, a young man I used to work with sitting with his girlfriend. They've been together for several years now, since Paul started college at UT to be an engineer. Paul is one of the smartest guys I've ever met when it comes to book-learning. He's great with math and science. He is also quiet, thoughtful, cute and nerdy. We talked for a long time and Paul told me his is finishing at UT this fall. His girlfriend has already graduated and is working for a private company that works in city planning or civil engineering or something like that. (She is always cordial with me but I think she knows I'm hot for Paul). Anyway, she must have a good job because they told me they had both bought Platinum badges, which cost about $650 apiece.

Also, a friend of mine told me that she saw Victor Diaz of News 8 Austin interviewing Owen on the red carpet at the premiere (on TV) and that the actor seemed dazed, high and very disinterested in what was going on.

Anyway, after leaving the Arbor I traveled back downtown to head to the Alamo Drafthouse for a 7:30 screening of "Hooligans." It was barely 6pm, so I decided to head back to my apartment and get my other batteries to see if they would make my camera work. I wanted to just stop at a Walgreens or something and pick some up, but there weren't really any conveniently located ones on the trek back downtown (Austin does not have a Walgreens and a 7-11 on every corner, which can be frustrating at time). I stopped only long enough to run in, unplug the batteries and head down to the Warehouse District.

There was a long line for "Hooligans" but the Drafthouse downtown seats over 200, so I thought I would probably get in. I was looking at my schedule and the girl behind me started talking to me about other movies to see in case we didn't get in. There weren't really any other choices. I also realized that the time I had written down was wrong. The film was scheduled to start at 7:00. If I had known that, I might have blown off getting batteries. "Hooligans" stars Elijah "Gives Me" Wood and I knew he would be in attendance, so the screening would be packed. Wood is also good friends with Harry Knowles so the screening would probably be packed with cast and crew and Ain't-It-Cool-News folks. (By the way, it's only cool if you kiss Harry's ass. If you don't treat him like the Jesus of Film, it won't be very cool for you. You'll be standing out on the sidewalk not getting into the screening of "Hooligans.")

She asked me if there were any cool bars around and I looked at her, an attractive, young, college aged girl, and said, "Depends on what your idea of a cool bar is." I didn't think we would have the same tastes. But this girl was very nice and friendly and we talked for quite a while about filmmaking. She is a film student at Stephen F. Austin in Nacogdoches and has worked on quite a few projects. She is graduating in the spring. She told me that she had met David Krumholtz, the actor, at a Q&A and he had given her an invite to some sort of private party for the film "Max and Rose" and it was close by so she was probably going to go to that.

The line started moving and it began to look like a free-for- all but when the crowd sort of dispersed, I realized that the screening was indeed full. Not a single volunteer had walked by in the 20 FUCKING MINUTES I had stood there to tell us that we probably wouldn't get it. If they had, I would have hiked back to my car and headed to the Alamo at South Lamar to see the Austin film "The Puffy Chair."

As it was, I have been feeling sick all weekend and my throat has been a little dry and scratchy, so I went to DQ and got a grape slushie and headed back to Lodgopolis and did some writing.

At about 9pm, I headed back downtown for the 10pm screening of "Drop Dead Sexy" at the Paramount. Parking was a bitch again, so I parked at the secret lot on 10th Street and walked back to the theater. There were some long lines again but they weren't too bad. I was walking towards the end of one when I heard someone say, "Lodger." I looked over and saw Aaron and Dana, the two people I had met the night before at the "Wendell Baker" premiere. I stopped and said hello and they offered to let me stand in line with them. I was so glad that Aaron didn't think that I was an asshole that I gladly accepted. These two folks are super nice. Dana looks like the type of girl who could just be a royal bitch, but she's been nothing but nice to me. Aaron seemed a lot younger than I remembered him to be from the night before. He was nice as well and we talked a lot. They had been the last people in the badge line to get into "Hooligans." (I wish I would have seen them to cut in line there). They told me that it was an awesome film and a fun screening. The director had even come out before the show and given them and some other folks in line some drink tickets. We chatted for 10 or 15 minutes and I had a really enjoyable time.

We finally got in and Aaron and Dana split off from me. I told them that I would probably sit in the front and Aaron said, "I like the mezz," referring to the mezzanine, of course. He sells tickets for a living, so he probably says stuff like that all the time.

The screening was nearly a repeat of the "Wendell Baker" screening the night before with lots of industry types milling about thinking that they were something special and that the deserve special treatment. They had roped off the center section of the "mezz" for cast and crew so I wondered if Aaron and Dana wouldn't have to sit closer yet again. I saved a couple of seats for a while but I never saw them. Eventually the place was packed and I found myself sitting between two people, scrunched yet again in the Paramount's tiny chairs.

I saw my friend Ravkill, who I noticed also didn't get into the "Hooligan's" screening. We don't speak anymore because I say such mean and persnickety things about Harry and his clan.

SXSW has just gotten too big this year. It seems like everybody and their mother has a badge. I think they have either given too many away (I should bitch, I get a free press badge) or somebody is counterfeiting them again. Maybe they gave too many badges to the musicians this year. There were 40 year old guys with tattoos all dressed in black at almost every screening I attended. There was a ton of them at the "Drop Dead Sexy" premiere as well.

Then again, maybe it is just that Matt Dentler has done such an amazing and exceptional job at getting films that everybody wants to see. Under his direction the last couple of years, SXSW has become the ultimate spring film festival, nestled comfortably between Sundance in January and Cannes in March. I should feel lucky to live in a city where I can take advantage of such an amazing opportunity for film lovers to see really important, interesting and meaningful films. And I do. (Too bad "Drop Dead Sexy" wasn't one of them. I can still smell it on me).

Anyway, I'm stuffed like the white filling of an Oreo cookie between two other fat guys during this film and it was quite unpleasant. I realized that I needed to hype the website and get bigger so that I could get 3 press badges next year and then bring along two, cute, skinny, little fey, gay boys to sit on either side of me so I have room to breath and don't have to worry if my hand bumps their arm. (It would probably be down their pants most of the time anyway). Twins would be nice. Two cute little skinny, gay boy twins to sit on either side of me. One could be my little Rex Reed and say he hates everything and the other could be my little Bill Harris and say he likes everything.

While I was contemplating the joys of having twin skinny little twinky gay boys in my posse, I noticed SXSW Festival Founder Louis Black standing close to the stage. I overheard some guys next to me talking about "Dear Pillow" and the new SXSW trailer. Eventually the film started. All through the movie the fat guy next two me was rubbing up against me and kicking my leg. Finally I looked over and he was sound asleep. At least he wasn't a slimy creep. And, thank goodness, he wasn't a snorer either. Although, it didn't really matter. The film was quite awful. I would have got up and left if I sat in the aisle.

After the film ended, the director and several of the Z-list stars of the film did a Q&A. Crispin Glover and Jason Lee were not there. It was said that Crispin was in NYC debuting his film ("What is it.") Someone in the crowd asked them all to tell their best "Crispin Glover Story" and Joseph D. Reitman, who plays the stereotypical gay "bad guy" in the film launched into a story that was even more homophobic than the shit that happens in the film. It was deplorable. The audience howled with laughter. A rather sickening and dismal ending to an evening fraught with unpleasantries.

Lodger at SXSW 2005