As this was the last day of Agliff, and my only day off from work this week, I slept in and didn't get up until after noon. I was almost thinking that I wouldn't go see "Everyone" at 5pm because it was really only a movie Johnny Oh! wanted to see and it was about a gay wedding and that just did not appeal to me. (Don't get me started on the whole gay marriage thing. I would write a book). But when I called Johnny he told me that he wasn't going because the workmen were at his house working on his roof and he hadn't gotten much sleep. This kinda pissed me off because I had only gotten us tickets because he wanted to go to this movie. I think the fact that he was flaking out on me was what made me decide to go.

I had seen three movies last night and the prospect of seeing three more today seemed daunting but I decided to bite the bullet and drove up to the Arbor. I had decided that I would stop and get a bite to eat and be late since there was a long short before "Everyone" but I got so behind that I decided to just get some Peanut Butter M&M's to eat during the movie. John would be coming for two movies later and we would get some popcorn. Maybe I'd even eat a theater hot dog (something I am way hesitant to do).

I went to the concession stand and noticed the lobby was pretty empty. I hustled over to the theater and one of the cute volunteers tore my ticket and said, "It's just starting." This volunteer looks kinda like Kevin 2 (he has a shaved head also) but he is always smiling and seems so nice. I wanted to remember to ask him his name.

Inside the theater, the trailer for "The Journey" was playing again. Then there was some sort of promo for some sort of TV thing called "TransGeneration." It looks like some sort of reality show about transgendered teens but I am not sure.

The short before the film was called "A Thousand Beautiful Things" and it is probably the most well-made and beautiful short I've seen since "PG." If you've ever heard me rave about "PG," then you'll know that this is quite a compliment. Staid, crisp, gorgeously photographed and emotionally devastating, "A Thousand Beautiful Things" is unlike any other short I have ever seen. The story revolves around a 24 year old man named Briar who lives with an older man, his young daughter and a newborn baby. (The actor who plays the role - whose name I did not catch - looks like Sean Hayes' younger even more gay brother, the one the family calls the "serious" one).

Briar is like the "woman" in the film (not that he is effeminate, it's just that he plays a role that, if this were not a gay film, would be played by a woman - probably Julianne Moore) and as the story evolves, we see that he has become the "mother" to the young daughter and the baby (who isn't in the film much and really doesn't need to be here). Briar accompanies his young daughter to a piano rehearsal and tries to get his "husband," an older balding businessman who is nice and loving but not exactly warm and emotional, to come to her upcoming recital.

Through flashbacks, we see Briar's former life. He was your typical young gay man with a failed relationship doomed by the inability of his young lover to remain monogamous. He talks to one of his young friends who is near to his age and the film then brings forth the most a mazing dialogue I've heard this year. The young friend, in the course of their reminiscing, says, "You used to be so wild." To which Briar replies, "And now I am loved." It is a moment that brings a lump to your throat.

Briar goes to the young girl's piano recital and the father is no where to be seen. He talks to his young surrogate daughter afterwards and she asks him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He tells her about meeting her father and falling in love with him and then meeting her and falling in love with her and wanting to be part of their family. She then asks, "What did you want to be when you were my age." Briar has no response for this.

The last scene in the film is amazingly powerful. In it, Briar sits in a room, alone, in his immaculate yet tomb-like home, his lover absent, his children elsewhere, and he gently weeps.

If you are ever lucky enough to see "A Thousand Beautiful Things" and it does not break your heart, then you are a stronger man than I. Filmmaker Ryan Lonergan has crafted a masterpiece and in just this 16 minutes of film has made himself a director to look out for. This is a name I hope to be seeing in the future. Everything about this film, every detail down to the last speck of dust, is simply perfect.

Of course, the audience that I saw it with didn't seem to get it at all. It always amazes me when people see something that is mind-blowing and beautiful to me and don't react. I think this film is so extraordinary and good, so unlike any thing else the audience at Agliff has seen this year, that it just stymied them.

"Everyone" started next and it was apparent after a few moments that it was horribly out of sync. The audience got a big chuckle when a woman was shown on screen talking yet a man's voice said, "I'm shaving." The projectionist tried unsuccessfully three times to get the digital copy of the film to sync up. Finally Kevin 2 came in and told us that someone was going to the office to get a DVD copy of the film and that they were going to play shorts until that copy got there. Just when I was thinking how good the presentation looked, Bam - another mistake.

This infuriated me. This was the last day of the festival, the ninth day. In all their nine days of fuck-ups and technical problems and mistakes this year, no one was smart enough after the first day to think, HEY MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A BACK UP COPY OF EACH FILM READY AT EVERY SCREENING. YOU KNOW. JUST IN CASE. How fucking stupid is that? That's what I call a no-brainer people. Jesus. What is this? Your first festival?

Of course, no shorts were shown. We sat in a quiet theater with no visuals but a blank screen to look at for over 10 minutes. I called Johnny and left him a voicemail telling him not to hurry to the 7:30 screening of "That Man: Peter Berlin" because we were having problems. Then I almost called him back because I realized that film would probably play on the other side. If they didn't fix this problem, I might even have to leave the end of this one to catch the beginning of the next one.

Finally Kevin 2 came back and told us that the projectionist was still trying to fix the problem and he was sorry for the delay. Finally at 6:07 (the film was supposed to begin at 5:15) the film started again and was still a half a second out of sync. It took one more adjustment to get it right.

During the film these two loud, chubby Hispanic queens sat all the way on the other side of the theater in the same row that I was on and jibber- jabbered as if they were in their living room. It pissed me off so much I almost went down at sat by them. I was hoping they would look at me funny like, what the fuck are you doing so I could say, "I thought maybe your conversation was more important than this movie, so I decided to sit down here and listen to what you guys were saying." As "Everyone" played, it got better and better and their loud whispering got more and more annoying.

The film got out at just about 7:30 on the dot. As were leaving the theater, cutie Kevin and another volunteer were handing out ballots and saying "Thank you for your patience." I went up to Kevin and he didn't hand me a ballot. I stood there and waited and he said, "You don't vote; you don't want a ballot." And I said, "I know, where's my 'Thank you for your patience?'" And he said, in the cutest way, "You don't HAVE any patience," which I thought was just wonderful and funny.

I went into the lobby and found John. Brooks was at the podium at the entrance taking tickets. He just does everything at The Arbor. He should run the place. Sure enough, the Peter Berlin doc was in the same theater I had just come out of, but the volunteers rushed and got everything set up and it wasn't long before they had the show on the road again. By the time I peed and got back into the theater, the director was already up front making his introduction to the film.

Before, I came in, in the lobby, I saw the cute weird looking boy that I've noticed the last couple of days at the festival. I caught his eye and he looked right through me. He didn't give me a second glance.

I walked to the front of the theater to my usual spot and there were those two loud queens right back where they were before. I walked back to the back of theater and Johnny came in with our Coke and popcorn. I couldn't figure out where to sit. We ended up back down front but a row behind the noisy nellies. Luckily, I didn't hear a peep out of them during the show,

The director said that he would be back after the movie and would be giving away a copy of Peter Berlin's film "That Boy," which just recently came out on DVD. The pre-show stuff started and I noticed they had changed the music on the sponsor's reel again. This time it was The Orb's "Little Fluffy Clouds."

The short before the film was called "No Ordinary Joe" and it was a wonderful homage to Joe Orton, the British playwright who was killed in the late 60's or early 70's by his gay lover. Orton has always been one of my favorite gay men from history since I saw the movie "Prick Up Your Ears" in the early 90's. This is a must-see for any gay man and Orton's "Diaries" as well as his biography by John Lahr (on which the film is based) are must- reads. Orton documented his life in intricate detail and his historical account of what it was like to trick in parks and public bathrooms in London in the 60's is fascinating stuff. What a great legacy he left. This secretive and underground lifestyle might be never discussed and unknown if it weren't for his meticulous note taking and journal writing. Yes, Orton's story is a sad one, as it ends in murder and suicide, but it is important and fascinating nonetheless.

The short was about a teenage boy, a soccer player who is reading about Orton supposedly for school. He has a crush on one of his teammates and is coming into understanding his true nature as the short progresses. Eventually he sees Orton in a vision in a public bathroom and the author tells him, "It all ends in disappointment but there is beauty along the way." I don't recall if Orton really said this or not, but it seems like the kind of thing he might. This amazing and daring short shows how nearly all of us come to terms with our sexuality partially through the examples set by those who have come before us. Orton was witty and charming but he was also open and unafraid. His life story may not have the most gay-positive ending, but the way he LIVED his life certainly was inspiring.

The short had horribly loud and distorted sound (not the filmmaker's fault but the tech staff) and at one point in its early moments, you could see a computer menu on the screen as someone made adjustments. The sound never did get any better even though the short runs 12 minutes and the presentation problems pretty much ruined the screening of it. The film, however, was so good that these problems nearly dissolved out of my consciousness.

After the documentary showed, the directed did come back for a Q&A, escorted by cutie Kevin and gave away the DVD. He said the most exciting part of making the film, other than meeting and getting to know Peter, was the fact that he got to develop and see tons and tons of negatives, both photos and film, that Berlin had laying in storage under his bed for years. Some of it even Berlin did not know what it was.

He told us that he is trying to get Peter to will all of his archive material (his photos, costumes, etc...) to some Gay and Lesbian Historical society but that Peter just doesn't really understand such things. "He kinda feels like whoever gets to his place first after he dies gets all his stuff."

He also told us that Berlin was going to have a major exhibit of his work in NYC in January of '06 at the Lindsey Lohman Gallery. For those who don't live in New York and can't make the trek, this documentary will be a close second to attending that.

On the way out of the theater I asked the cute volunteer who is always smiling his name and he told me it was Scott. When we got into the lobby, I saw Craig and Lance already in line for the Closing Film of the festival, "The Mostly Unfabulous Life of Ethan Green." We went over and said hello. The lobby was packed and I could tell they were going to use two theaters for this film and interlock the movie. This was when I thought it was going to be on 35mm, like the program said. It was actually on video, so I guess they just made two copies, one for each theater.

John went to get refills and I saw Anastasia in the lobby. She is Jenn Garrison's gal-pal that I met on Day 1 at the Opening Night Party. We talked for a bit and she continued to laugh at my jokes which just made me love her even more. I asked her if she was going to the former 1920s Club for the afterparty and she said she was. She didn't think it would start until 11pm. Johnny and I had already made plans to go to dinner after the last film and Johnny was bitching about going to the gym to take a shower. He wanted me to go to the party while he did this but it always takes him about two hours to take a shower at the gym, so I didn't want to wait around for him at a party I might hate.

They were hustling non-members outside and I asked Anastasia if she had a badge, assuming she did and she said, "Yes. I slept with a board member to get mine." I was like, "Really. I tried that but no one would take me up on it so I had to start a whole fucking website just to get a badge."

I got into the theater and there was a video by some band I never heard of called The Rasmus starting. I called Johnny and told him I was in the theater we were just in then thought about Craig and Lance and looked around and figured they must be in the other theater since I didn't see them. I thought about going to look for them but there were so many people and I was so worn out, I just decided to stay put.

The sponsor's reel played again with "Little Fluffy Clouds" and I thought about how the music videos had changed before the shows all week as had the background music on sponsor reel. I think this is totally cool. The ever- changing pre-show stuff kept things interesting and lively.

After The Rasmus was a 50's fire safety industrial film about atomic heat flash and how "The House in the Middle," which was the name of the movie, was also the house that didn't catch fire after the bomb dropped because it was kept neat and well painted. This film was hilarious and although it was produced by the Civil Defense Department, it was pretty obvious that some marketing group like The Paint Makers of America must have surely had something to do with it as well. It was really a glorified "community beautification" PSA and paint commercial dressed up like a Civil Defense program film.

Then there was a commercial for Logo TV before the Agliff board members walked up with a surprise guest, Brooks, in tow.

Jenn introduced Brooks who talked about being out in the lobby after the movie with applications for a Regal Frequent Movie Goer card. He said that there would be benefits for those who signed up and after he listed the things you could get if you signed up with him, someone shouted, "And a kiss" and he blushed. I suddenly realized in a flash why I was so skittish about saying hi to Brooks. It wasn't because I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his peers, it was because I didn't want to embarrass myself by being one of those typical gay guys who likes teenage boys.

I've thought a lot about this over the past couple of days, remembering how I used to love the idea that I was the only one who liked nerdy, scrawny little pasty white boys when I was young. When I realized I was not alone as a gay person in the world, that was empowering. When I realized I was not the only gay man who was attracted to nerdy, scrawny little pasty white boys, that was like a loss of identity. This year more than any other, Agliff, with its films often mentioning age in stories as jokes, made me feel old. There are only two identities when you are chubby, old and gay: Troll and Bear. Since I refuse to grow a beard and wear plaid, I am a troll. My niche has been carved. I have been tagged. Put me to sleep now.

After Brooks spoke, Rob Fabion of "Shout" Magazine, who was sponsoring the film, got up and spoke. I know Rob better as the leader of the Austin Babtist Women, a drag troupe that puts on shows for charity. I think most people do.

Then, of course, there was the long and laborious introduction to the board members where they thank and hype each other endlessly. Lonny and Mo spoke and everyone did the sort of standard last night wrap-up speeches. Blah blah blah.

It was so boring that my mind started to wander and I remembered talking to Mo at the opening night party and asking her if she couldn't get a print of "Brokeback Mountain." She told me that they were going to do a screening in December.

The last film was preceded by a cute and funny short, made to look like a 50's educational film called "Billy's Dad is a Fudge Packer." The piece was a hilarious exercise in double entendre and it featured Alex Borstein of "Mad TV" and "Family Guy" in a small role.

After "Ethan Green," I talked to Johnny, Craig and Lance about how much I hated it. Craig told us that he had saved us seats in the other theater and that made me feel really good. I know that sometimes I get pretty annoying and I didn't think Craig was that interesting in being around me. So that was nice. (He was probably saving them for John more than me anyway).

We talked about the poster for "Garcon Stupide" since we were standing by it and Craig knew that garcon in French meant "boy." I knew that but had forgotten it. That's why when it is said in a French restaurant to a employee it is really kind of an insult.

Lance didn't think the young guy in the poster was hot. He kinda pissed me off because he seems so smug and looks down at anyone who likes younger guys but he tries to look young himself. It's really weird.

Craig had seen "Wallace and Gromit" on Friday when it opened so we talked about that a little. He said it was really good at the beginning and sort of evened out as it went on. After that, we said our goodbyes and Johnny and I went to my favorite restaurant Starseeds and were waited on by another Jenn, who was there the first time I went there and who is a big Bowie fan.

Agliff made me really sad lonely and depressed this year. The last film was particularly a downer. I usually love the festival because it is so nice to just relax and be around gay people but the films were so lame this year that it really made it hard to keep my spirits up and stay excited.

Here are some wrap-up lists:

Lodger's Top 5 Films of Agliff 2005

1. Summer Storm

2. Hellbent

3. Adam and Steve

4. Loggerheads

5. That Man: Peter Berlin

Of these, only the first two are really exceptional and the kind of film I would recommend to anyone and everyone that they see.

Lodger's Top 5 shorts that I saw at Agliff 2005

1. A Thousand Beautiful Things

2. No Ordinary Joe

3. Spaceboy

4. Feltch Sanders

5. Pink Roots

I saw some good films at Agliff this year, but there was also a lot of crap. And when I think that I could have seen some regular movies that have come out recently like Thumbsucker, Hooligans, Rollbounce, History of Violence, 2046, Flightplan, Corpse Bride, Proof, In Her shoes, Tony Takanati, and Oliver Twist instead of junk like "Wilby Wonderful," "Shem," "Liberty in Restraint," "Cycles of Porn," and "Twist," it makes me wonder why I spent so much time and energy covering the festival. Somebody has to do it, I guess.

Giving away the very last of the bitter until Austin Film Festival coverage begins on October 20th,

Lodger2005