I had taken Saturday and Sunday off from my day gig, which isn't your normal Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 kinda gig, so I slept in and got up at about noon, which was kinda late considering I went to sleep about 2:30. I did get up and get to writing right away. Well, first I blew an hour trying to set-up this used media card reader I bought from a friend that is supposed to download pictures from my digital camera's media card very quickly but, of course, after an hour I still couldn't figure it out and I'd already blown too much time on it, so I didn't call my friend and ask him how to make it work. I'll figure it out later.

I was planning on seeing my friend Ryan Cox's short film "Santa Ana" with the Morrissey fan documentary "Is It Really So Strange?" and at some point around 2:30pm it hit me that maybe I should check the schedule. I was pretty sure it started at 5:15. Of course, when I looked, I had the whole thing backwards. Ryan's film was at 2:15 and I had missed it. I felt like an idiot. I was going to go to "My Gay Movie" at 5:15, which is a collection of shorts made by locals. I decided to keep working and got everything finished and sent to my editor by about 3:45. I showered and shaved and hopped in the car to go to the Arbor. I wanted to get there early and find out more about what kind of pass I had and how much I was going to be able to see with it.

My friends Russ and Loren were having a party tonight but I knew I wouldn't make it, so I e-mailed my friend and Lube TV co-host Vixen and told her I wasn't going to the party with her tonight. She e-mailed me back that she was feeling a little ill and probably wouldn't go either. Russ and Loren and their roomie Kevin throw some kick-ass parties though, so I hope I get invited to another one soon.

On the way to the Arbor, it took 15 extra minutes to get there because there was a overturned car on Research and traffic was backed up like crazy. I was low on gas too. Since it's about $2.75 a gallon here now, I don't film up until I absolutely on empty. Well, at least, I used to not do that. Now that I've seen the folly of that sort of thinking - sitting in stop and go traffic, not knowing where it ends, and being on fumes. I was having a symbiotic moment with my parents who were stranded on the freeways leaving Houston for 40 hours evacuating for Hurricane Rita. Now I know the stress of that in a very minor way and it is horrific.

I went to the Arbor and saw Ryan but he was talking to some girls so I didn't go up and apologize for missing his film. He's so cool, hip and blase anyway. He would have acted like he didn't care. He's always with a gaggle of girls now. What's up with that?

The folks at the ticket booth knew much better now what was going on and the cute, friendly young man working there helped me figure everything out and got me set up for tickets for the day. I even had time enough to bop over to Chick Fil- A and have a bite of lunch.

I got back to the Arbor and saw that my favorite Arbor employee, a cutie named Brooks, was working but didn't have time to go say hello. It's been a while since I have seen him and I couldn't snap to his name. I had to go by later to see his name tag and remember. I thought maybe it was Brooks, then I thought it was something more unique than that. When I first saw that his name was Brooks I thought it was so unusual - like a last name. Now it seems sort of normal.

MGM was on the other side of the theater from last night's show. Agliff has the two houses on either end of the eight screen Arbor. I think the two houses on the ends are the biggest. I went over and went inside. It was about 5:10 and it was another 2 minutes before any vids started. That seems late. They have a captive audience. There could be ads and promos running. A young man came up to the front and said "Good afternoon, Austin" like he was a rock star (and everyone applauded like he was to) and then introduced himself as Leslie, the house manager for the show. He was nervous as he spoke but at least he introduced himself. There was a long thing about someone named "Faggot girl" having meningitis and how because she was an "artist" she has no insurance and how there would be a donation bucket in the lobby at the end of the show. Leslie kept talking about the upcoming "movie" as if he didn't know it was shorts? He told us there would be a ballot at the end. Agliff used to be so much into making all of the audience fill out ballots at the end of films. I never did because I put my opinions up on here but I sometimes did it for shorts, since these are usually newer filmmakers, especially at MGM.

The trailer started. Agliff's "theme" this year is: "You Always Remember Your First Time," which is about the worst theme I have ever heard. It might be fine for a festival full of "coming out" films, but it hardly encompasses the scope of all the films running at Agliff this year. I don't get it. They had a contest for filmmakers to make trailers using that theme to be used for the festival and Bruce Weatherford told me three had been selected. The one they showed here was about getting your "first" tattoo and it ended with someone getting a tattoo of Kino, the Agliff cartoon mascot.

I usually write a separate column about all the shorts I see at Agliff, but since I don't plan on seeing too many this year, and since the group at MGM was so lacking and lackluster, I think I'll just talk about them in my daily reports.

The first two lesbian films were funny. The first two gay male films were sophomoric downers. "Junky Yard" and "Faggotgirl Begins" were cute but poorly made films. At least I know who Faggotgirl is now. Or, kinda do. Her short was about a Barbie getting a make-over into a short-haired dyke in a flannel shirt and khaki shorts.

The first guy short, "Facade," by Brad Button, was about a gay who goes out yelling at queers in his friends car then come home, looks in the mirror for a long-ass time and then cuts his wrist. Silly, sophomoric, trite and just plain dumb, the film, at least, had its heart in the right place. I think Brad is only a teenager, so it is easy to forgive him. But it's really hard not too giggle at something so stereotypical and contrived when you are 42.

At least "Facade" was better then "A Sorta Sin," an even more ridiculous and contrived film about a kid who confesses to his priest about having sex with another boy. Well, he's supposed to be a teenager, but he's played by a hairy guy who looks about 19. They need a kid about 14 to play the role but the priest, who is, of course, a vile, disgusting little pedophile, imagines the kid naked (with his books over his lap) and they couldn't put a little teenage boy in that kind of a film, of course. The film nearly mid-sentence and had no real idea other than showing a slobber vile priest lusting after a teenage boy. Big whoop. Been there. Done that. Seen it.

The next three films were much better "Bill... A Life Remembered" was silly but funny. "The Underminer" was a video monologue actually captured live on stage about an actor in Hollywood (supposedly) talking to a "friend" at a coffeehouse. It was well acted and well written. But my favorite short of the set was "Imagine me," a witty, well- acted and interesting film about a teenage boy who dreams of being an actor. He practices accepting his Oscar before masturbating on his bed. His mother catches him and they have a mild argument in the kitchen. The woman who plays the mother is awesome and the piece is shot and edited very well. The whole feel of the first section of the film is edgy and unique. the second half, where the film kinda looses focus has the kid practicing alone, on stage, for a production of "Romeo and Juliet" and we see he is in a podunk town in "Utah." The film kinda ends without a obvious point, but the opening section of the film is so interesting and so well done that it is easy to forgive this lackluster ending. Plus the film is made by teenagers, so it isn't expected that it will be perfect.

The next two shorts were okay. "Love Lessons" about a girl who falls in love with another girl giving her private Spanish lessons and "Lovely, Texas," about a small town City Council member coming out as a... ? (the ending is left purposefully ambiguous), were both sweet and cute. But the home made music video for Romanovsky and Phillips "What Kind of Self-respecting Faggot Am I?" was too political for such a funny song. It didn't work.

After the show, I went out to the lobby with the rest of the crowd but there seemed to be no one handing out ballots. Oh well. The 7 o'clock film, "Summer Storm," was playing on the other side of the theater, so I went and got in line. It was about 6:30, so I figured we would be going in soon, but no, we sat in line until right at 7 o'clock. I had to stand and listen to lesbians talk about how much they love yard work (I shit you not) for 30 minutes.

While we were standing in line, a volunteer came over and was talking to his friend, who was right beside me and told him the film was "sold out," so I knew it would be crowded.

Oh, and before I got in line and went and bought some Peanut Butter M&M's from Brooks. He's so cute and he remembered me as someone who comes to the Arbor a lot. I love talking to him. Yes, I watched him for the whole half hour I stood in line (even with all the pretty gay boys there for "Summer Storm," he was still the cutest guy in the theater) and yes, he flirts with everyone, but I don't care. I'm still deeply infatuated.

At 7pm we finally went in and, as they have been doing this year, they let badges people go in first. As we entered, the volunteers tearing our tickets said, "Sorry for the wait," which was nice. They also finally began tearing the ticket correctly, leaving the viewer with the big part of the stub that has the name of the movie on it.

Inside the theater, they were playing the video for "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance. I liked this song more this time than the first few times I heard it. The lead singer is kinda hot. But the video was out of sync which was odd. There was also a video for Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax." Finally a gay song in front of a movie. I'm all for playing rock vids instead of diva music but they should at least have cute guys or a gay theme. The Seether video played last night was just awful. After this, the slideshow that lists the Sponsors played. It uses a Pink Floyd guitar solo piece spliced off of some song on "Dark Side of the Moon;" I can't remember which one. Then the lights came up and volunteers told us that the movie was sold out and that every seat would be taken. Of course, by the time the movie started, there was still no one in the front row.

Finally, a girl who introduced herself as Amy (Cook) and who told us she was the Treasurer of Agliff got up and introduced the film. She told us that they were looking into having a second showing of it on Thursday or Friday "late night." I noticed that this year. There were no TBA slots to get excited about. Usually Agliff has some sort of surprise up its sleeve but since there are a slew of new folks running it, and since it is in October instead of August, and 9 days instead of 11, of course, things are going to be different.

Amy introduced some guys from the Austin Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce who did some quick hyping of their organization. Then the "Coming Attractions" previews began with clips for "Dorian Blues," "Wilby Wonderful" and Lesbian Grandmothers from Mars." I'm glad the festival is showing trailers for some of the films coming up. The filmmakers usually try to make these and it's a nice way to hype upcoming films and inform the audience.

The Agliff "First Time" trailer was about a transgendered man who talked about his "first day" living as women.

The film was preceded by a short called "Starcrossed" which was silly but hot. It was a 5 minute thing about two hot teenage brothers who fall in love and lay around in their tighty whiteys in bed a lot together rubbing and humping on each other. When their parents find out, the check into a motel, and, since it has been established the more wimpy one cannot swim well in a flashback at the front of the film, they jump into the motel pool in their briefs and handcuff themselves together under the water at the bottom of the ladder in the deep in. The cinematography was excellent and the boys were hot and wet and half-naked a lot but the whole thing was just silly. The wimpy brother was played by Marshall Allman star of Bruce Willis' "Hostage" and Fox's new TV series, "Prison Break."

During the short, and the feature, "Summer Storm," the two queens next to me talked and the teen queens on the other side kept flipping open their lighted cell phones to check the time. People are so fucking inconsiderate these days. Jesus Christ.

There were ballots after "Summer Storm" but I didn't fill one out. The next film "Exposed: The Making of a Legend" was back on the other side of the Arbor. This is either smart of lucky on the part of Agliff because it was 9:21 and almost time for the next film to start, so having the guys, who buy the majority of tickets at Agliff be able to just walk over to the other side and sit down made everything easy. I think it has more to do with what's on film and what's on video and time scheduling that intelligence on the film schedulers part. But who knows.

The videos began and there were clips from Bowling for Soup (ugh) and The Offspring (double ugh) before a cute girls duo appeared in a clip for their song "Gay Boyfriend." It was sweet and funny. Then, God help me, there was the out of synch vid from My Chemical Romance again and then, JESUS CHRIST NO! the video for "Relax" again. There was also a promo for the Agliff "Widget," something you can download that sits on your desktop that ran twice. The gay guys in the audience booed and bitched. Girl, you think I'm bitter! You should go to a gay film festival where there are technical problems. These girls are the bitchiest, cattiest, meanest and nastiest cunts on the face of the Earth!

The owner of The Great Outdoors came up and introduced himself and told us he was a new Agliff board member but he never mentioned his name. He did tell us about his business and about the films sponsor, gaywebmonkey.com. He was a clear and focused public speaker and easy to listen to. After he was done, we sat through the Sponsor's slideshow with Pink Floyd music (this is going to get old fast). A film festival needs variety. There should be several opening promos and if you have a "Sponsor reel," you should have three or four different versions using different background music. Keep the audience interested, don't bore them with repetition.

There were previews for "Chronicles of Halcyon" (a lesbian "Xena" video movie that looked like crap, the fabulistic "29th and Gay" and a film called "Not Straight Forward" that, for the life of me, I can't remember a single thing about. All three Agliff "First Time" trailers ran, now making me already bored with them, including the "Tattoo" version, the "Transgendered" and a new one that equated eating Amy's ice cream with lesbian sex that looks interesting but had no sound.

After "Exposed," I went home, got some KFC, ate and watched the episodes of "Twins," "Reba," "Living with Fran" and the season premiere of "SNL" with Steve Carrell that I had taped.

Don't give away the bitter!

lodger2005