Back to the old day job grind. Well, actually, I went in late to work Monday because I took some time off to go to the Dobie for a press sneak of “The Last Kiss.” In order to juggle the hours at work though, I had to stay late and ended up missing XX/XY at AFF, a new film with Mark Ruffalo (You Can Count on Me).

My friend Ashton called me in the afternoon and asked what was up and I invited him to eat and see a movie with me. I knew the movie was called “Beeper” but that’s about all I knew. Although Ashton is 18 and cute as hell (and hopelessly straight), he doesn’t seem to have many friends. He is fairly intelligent and sometimes seems quiet, so maybe he is just a bit shy. Regardless, it is usually nice to spend time with him (and to be seen in his company), so I was glad he called.

After work, I went home and changed and then went and picked him up. We ate at the Chinese place (it’s called Buffet Palace) right across from the Westgate that I discovered with Web on Day 3. It is an upwardly scale Chinese buffet and they even have Sushi. Ashton didn’t try any either.

Got to the theater (right across the street) right on time and saw my pal Phatt Matt and some of his friends who live at Taos, the UT student co-op, with him. One of these is an attractive and cool girl named Meredith, who is always sweet and charming. Ashton thought she was cute. I think she and Matt may be dating. I’m not sure. Anyway, I barely got to say hi to them and chat for just a second before the AFF House Manager came in and made some announcements. One of the things she said, as Ashton and I found our seats, was that the short “Abbie Down East” was going to play AFTER the feature. The director of the short was going to do a Q&A after it showed. I had already seen it 3 times (as I suggested it to AFF during the pre-screening process and it was on the film before “See You Off to the Edge of Town.”) I didn’t really think it was something Ashton would particularly love or anything, so I thought we might skip it.

I couldn’t remember what “Beeper” was about and I don’t like to read about the films right before I see them, so I told Ashton that I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. I was thinking it had something to do with a kidnapping. I thought it might be Asian and I double-checked with him about subtitles. He was cool with them. We also talked about this Asian film from the fest called “The Princess Blade” that I have a copy of and I’d like him to check out. He’s into video games and a bit of Anime, so he might like it, not that it’s like a video game or anything. It just seemed something that he might be interested in, it does have really good action sequences, and a really good story, so he’ll dig it, I’m sure.

“Beeper,” as I soon found out from the opening credits starred Harvey Keitel and Joey Lauren-Adams. It is also set in India and has a few subtitles here and there. But the thing is really bad. And here’s why I mention it here (see the review to hear me rant about it): I really feel like AFF got seduced by “names” even more so than usual this year. There seems to be quite a few films of dubious quality (and written by even more dubious screenplay talent) that have some half-way decent stars in them that are playing at the festival. I understand that you have to put butts in the seats, and stars often do this. But it is easy to get seduced, when you program a film festival, by recognizable stars in a movie. Just because some TV star or second banana from big-time films (like Jason Mewes) is in a movie (like “R.S.V.P.”) doesn’t mean it is worth showing. We get enough cruddy movies at SXSW just because there are musicians and singers in them. AFF should know better.

Anyway, “Beeper” was so atrocious, that we decided to just get the hell out of there when it was over. We said goodbye to the Taos folks and headed out to the car. Ashton got in the passenger seat and I snapped to the fact that I had left my bag full of all my stuff (I have to carry a bag and take notes during a festival. I also have my camera, and the film program, my badge and various stuff like that in there too) in the theater. Ashton waited in the car and on my way back in to grab my bag, I ran into the “Gaydar” (see Day 3) guys again.

I said hey to them and we stopped and chat for what seemed like 20 minutes. Surely it was at least 15. Damn! Why couldn’t cutie Ashton be standing next to me when I ran into them? I mentioned that I had an 18-year-old hottie in my car and I should really get going, but Terry and Larry are such nice guys and so amicable, that I just kept chatting with them.

We talked about lots of things including Terry’s appearance in the film “7-Teen Sips,” which played at Slamdance in 2000 when I was there. I missed that film and have always been interested in seeing it. Terry said the guy who directed it got married soon after production was done and became sort of reclusive. He hasn’t even seen the film himself! Damn, I was hoping he could get me a dub of the thing. He also told me that they filmed it in Nebraska and that he played a molester of little girls. Wow.

The dynamic duo had just been into see some shorts and they asked me if I knew Jonathan Schaech. I told them that I had never met him but he hates me. Schaech had a feature in last year’s festival which but for the life of me, I can remember what it was called. It was a really mean-spirited thing about some religious college kids who go to L.A. to help a homeless family and make a documentary about it at the same time. It took a lot of jabs at people who have their hearts in the right place but make mistakes. I didn’t like it. Schaech sent me an e-mail that was fairly snooty. He wasn’t as hateful as many other directors who have e-mailed me (the guy who made “Circuit” is close to the top of the list, for example) but he basically tried to say I didn’t know what I was talking about. I love it when directors ask me something stupid like “Who do you think you are to be a movie critic?” to which I reply, “Who do you think you are to make a movie?” I could go into a long rant about how if your going to make a movie and put it out there for people to see, you should be prepared to hear harsh criticism, but there’s lots of those in other old columns by me, so just hunt around for a while on the site, it won’t take you long to find one.

Anyway, I finally pried myself away from the charming creators of “Gaydar.” We agreed to try and hook up on Wednesday to see “My Name is Buttons,” so hopefully I’ll get to hang with them a bit then. I went back in and got my bag, and it was at least 10 minutes since “Beeper” ended, maybe even 15 or 20, and “Abbie Down East” was just starting. That took way too long. There were still quite a few people in the audience, including my friends from Taos, so I hope they enjoyed it.

Ashton and I went back to my place and hung out and drank and talked. As always, the conversation turned to the frustrating prospect of my sexual attraction to him and he gladly engaged in a lengthy conversation with me about why it will never happen. These are not arguments but discussions which any normal, straight 18-year-old would probably tire of fairly quickly, but Ashton seems to tolerate them quite well. Granted, we talk about his desire to fuck women as well and numerous other things, of course. I really do enjoy his company but I realized that I see him not as a person or as a friend but as a puzzle to solve. If I just put this piece in it’s proper place, he will sleep with me. That’s just dumb and not constructive.

Maybe it’s because he is so frustrating but I realized that my friendship with him is simply a typical example of my sex life for the past 20 years. Okay, maybe it’s because I saw “Roger Dodger” a couple of nights ago and it had a rather profound impact on me. I realized that I was simply playing a game with Ashton and the game was this: Find the key to his pants. I don’t even think I really want to sleep with him; sex is so absurd to me right now. But this is the game I have been playing all my adult life with straight guys. Find the key, find the key… I seriously asked myself, after I dropped him at his apartment at 4:30 in the morning, if I really wanted to play that game any more and the serious answer was “No, I don’t.“

So, if I stop playing the game (my teacher is inviting you to try and stop getting laid) then will I still want to just hang out with him and just be his friend? Sadly, that’s a rather tough question. And the real answer is actually this: In a few days, I’ll probably be ready for another round of “the game.” It’s really just about the only thing that I know and without it I just might become even more invisible.

The ever more translucent,

Lodger2002 @ AFF2002